Canning jokes

What is a redneck virgin?

Answer: A seven-year-old that can run faster than her brothers!

How can Canada be one of the most educated countries when Canadians are unable to correctly spell "analyse", "programme", and "aluminium"?

You can tell if a woman is angry if she is holding a gun.

Waitress: What can I get for you?

Me: I'll have a steak.

Waitress: How would you like it?

Me: Immediately!

If being sexy was a crime, you can call me......... a law-abiding citizen.

Roses are red, Violets are fine, You can be the six, And I can be the nine.

Knock knock. Who's there? It's the police... Who? It's the police, let me in so I can get some donuts!

What is the worst thing you can find out about a woman on a first date?

She claims to have been raped. Then, you know to get as far away from her as possible because she's probably a feminazi bitch.

Your mama is so stupid she stayed up all night so she can get some sleep.

Me: Can I have your chair? 💺 You: Why? Me: For charity.

Opposite day be like in doors.

Figure: Finally, I can see.

Eyes: Nnnnnoooo! I'm blind. Figure, I'm sorry I made fun of you all those other times. Please don't make fun of me.

Figure: Ok eye promise eye won't.

Eyes: 😭

Roses are red, violets are blue, I'll be the dolphin, you can be the jellyfish.

Question: What is the BIG ADVANTAGE to going out on a date with a "Homeless Chic"?

Answer: After the date, you can "Drop Her Off" ANYWHERE!

What excuse can you use if you find out your date is a rape victim and you don't want the baggage?

Say you've parked your car in a bad spot and are just going to move it, then move your car all the way back to your home address.

There are perks to bringing an emo to the grocery store; you can get coupons by scanning their wrist.

If I had a spray can, I would spray it on your ass. Because the instructions say to spray on flat surfaces.

I have a fish that can breakdance, but only for 20 seconds and only once.

Why can orphans only watch G-rated movies?

Because they have no parental guidance.

What can Miles Morales do that Spiderman can't?

Hug his parents.

When I die, I'll let everyone I kept dear lower my coffin into the ground.

So they can let me down one last time.