Canada jokes

What's the difference between Canada and the USA?

In the USA, Trump is sitting in the Oval Office.

In Canada, he'd be sitting in the waiting room of a MAiD clinic.

What did the hematologist say when his Canadian patient wrote that he's blood type "eh"? "Ah, probably just go with blood typo!"

What is the real name of Canada?

Punjabistan

What part of the train goes "toot toot"?

The caboose.

A pair of Newfoundlanders, watching TV, saw endless big-budget advertisements for mass-produced American beer.

One Newfie turns to the other and says, "They say that stuff is the biggest seller in the States, but I don't see what the big deal is." So they buy a bottle, pour it into a plain jar and decide to get an expert opinion.

They send a sample to a lab in St. John's to have it analyzed.

A day later, the lab results come back: "Your horse has diabetes."

I guess Canada's national igloo is melting because of global warming.

A pair of Newfies decide to visit Toronto. They drive through Nova Scotia, through New Brunswick, through Montréal, Kingston, Oshawa... then they see a sign that says "Toronto Left", so they turn back around and go home.

A down-on-his-luck Newfoundlander takes a job in Toronto. He hates every minute of it. The housing is overpriced, the traffic a bottleneck. Frustrated, he starts saving every penny until he can buy a car to go home to the outport.

Eventually someone takes pity on him and offers to sell him a car with no reverse for fifty bucks.

"I takes it!" the Newfie replies, "because I don't intends on coming back anyway."

Canada is the Keanu Reeves of countries. Too bad the US is the Kanye West of countries instead of the Dolly Parton of countries.

What did Donald Trump serve to Justin Trudeau at a state dinner?

Poutine with Russian dressing!

you.

Because of all the rampant inbreeding in America, it's not a surprise that Hollywood had to poach models, comedians, and actors from Canada and Australia.