Call jokes

What is a gathering of octopuses called?

Octoposse.

What do you call a convict in prison for touching little girls? A boy named Brandon.

I got a call from NASA. They’ve reached your hairline.

What do you call a Mexican Transformer? Optimus Juan!

What do they call me when I jack off?

Pulled pork.

What do you call a Pakie with a wooden leg?

Shit on a stick.

What do you call an Asian in a wheelchair? Sum Ting Wong.

What do you call an epileptic kid on cocaine?

An earthquake.

What do you call a hospital that's flooded with vegetable soup?

What do you call a retarded fruit?

Mentally in-pear-ed.

What do you call a bulldog and a shih tzu? A bullshit.

What do you call a little boy with no arms and no legs?

Names.

If Trump colored his hair green and wore an orange shirt and pants, I will call him a carrot.

What do you call anal rape?

Ass cream.

When a woman decides to abort, it is called a decision, but when I run my truck into a playground of kids, it is called murder.

What do you call a cow with two legs?

Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.

One day, a child walks along and asks, "Mother, why am I called Butterfly?"

The mother replies, "A butterfly landed on you as a baby."

A minute later, another child comes along and says, "Mother, why am I called Feather?"

The mother then replied, "Because a feather fell on your head when you were born."

Then Brick comes along and says, "Ahahhsdjsjskxs."

Me: Help, I'm stuck in a trap.

Friend: What kind?

Me: It's called life. Yeah, I've been trying to get out of it for six years now, it just won't let me go.

Friend: That's not funny..

Me: Yeah? Nor is wanting to die, yet I'm still over here laughing every time I try to.

Friend: I'm calling your mom.

Me: She knows.

Friend: What's she doing to help, then?

Me: She's supposed to help?

Friend: Have you told your dad?

Me: I will when he comes back.

Friend: Where is he?

Me: I don't know, he's been gone for 15 years.

Friend: ....

Me: What?

Friend: Why?

Me: Why what?

Friend: Why would you joke like that?

Me: I was joking..

Friend: I know.

Me: Oh. I didn't know.

Friend:...

Me: Have a nice day, I'll see you tomorrow... Maybe...

Little Johnny's mom got a call from school saying to come over. As she does, she is met by the principal. They go into his office and the principal says, "Your son is going to be suspended for a week for blowing clouds in the bathroom." The mother responds, "He is fifteen, how is he blowing clouds already? Bring him in here." A boy walks in, and Johnny's mother says, "This isn't my son, bring him in here, I would like a word with him." The principal replies, "Ma'am, this is Clouds." The mother faints.

What do you call an octopus with a hat?

An octopus with a hat, of course.