But jokes

I was gonna roast you about your chin, but I didn't know which one to talk about.

You know what I said to the chair? "Sit!" But it didn't move. Hahaha!

I was visiting an orphanage and started to pull in close to the building. My car hit 3 speed bumps, and it caught me off guard. I got out of my car, looked under my tire, and saw three orphans wedged in my tire. I started to get worried, but then I thought to myself... nobody will miss them.

A guy was in one of the Twin Towers and he ordered pepperoni pizza, but he didn't get it. He got a plane instead.

I guess in British chess they play without a queen...

But in American chess they play without two towers.

In British chess I guess they play without a queen...

But in American chess they play without 2 towers.

What do you call something that has 50 legs but can't walk? 25 disabled people!

"Nining leven BITCH. I don't know how to spell, but it's that shit where the planes flew into them towers."

I would like to tell more jokes about 9/11, but they always crash and burn.

You know, the strangest things happen. My mom said, "Step on a crack, you break your mama's back, but if you step on a line, you break your father's spine." I stepped on the line. It didn't break his spine. Mom, who is my father?

The warden is stronger than the ender dragon, but WHY IS IT NOT A BOSS?

(Doesn't have boss bar.)

A handicapped person tells a good joke, but he can't be a stand up comedian.

Was invited to the inauguration of an I-pad.

We were all ready to begin the event. I was supposed to cut the ribbons, but before I could do that, Penaldo jumped outta nowhere and shouted, "I DON'T WANT I-PAD, I ONLY WANT TO STATPAD!"

Shame on Penaldo for ruining the event! 😡

My friend had an allergic reaction after he ate a peanut.

We got his EpiPen to help him when Penaldo appeared because he heard the word "PEN". He tried stealing the pen, but I said, "No pens for you," and "Brentford". He cried and ran away. Shame on you, Penaldo the fraud!

I was playing football with my friends, and I got tackled and got a penalty. Suddenly, the ground started shaking, and Penaldo emerged from the mud. He took the penalty, but since it wasn't Andorra, he missed. Shame on you, Penaldo!

I would make a joke about your mom, but cows are sacred in my country.

Well, yo mama is fat, and when she loses weight, all the food that she has is hers, but the Africans get none.

Say the drive through at McDonald's, order (don't say the sake) but when you get it ask them, "My sake?" and say, "Sake that ass."

Ya make 10 paintings, you aren't an artist.

Ya make 20 meals, you aren't a chef.

But when I kill ONE PERSON, I'm a "horrible person" and a "menace to society."

I arrived at basketball and I asked little Jimmy if he brought the basketballs, and he said, "Nope, but I got two right here!"