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But jokes

They say people are 75% water.

But I’m 75% an orphan and 25% useless.

How is toilet paper recycled?

Easier than you would think, but first they have to process the crap out of it.

Judge: We shall now sentence you for the murder of your parents.

Accused: Please consider a lenient sentence, your honor.

Judge: But why?

Accused: Because I’m an orphan.

My friend just got hit by a car and is now in a wheelchair. He is getting bullied, but I don’t understand why he just can’t stand up for himself.

You're so skinny that your mom had to use a whole shampoo bottle on your head, but she still couldn’t find you.

I’m not saying you’re going bald, but you’ll find Waldo before you find your hairline.

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    • I know this is supposed to be an emo joke, but does anyone want to play Rocket League?

    I'm on PS4, by the way!

    My name: Box3d_by_Clapped

    Hi!!!! So it has been a very long time, and I have seen that your jokes have been becoming more and more inappropriate.

    Guys, you don't need to be inappropriate to be cool! You are awesome if you like school, and even if you are gay, or anything in the LGBTQ+ category. #PRIDE

    Anyway, I myself am not LGBTQ+, but I don't think people who are should get shamed for it. I love you guys, and stay positive!!!

    Luca’s Mom and Dad be throwing the kids into the fountain in the city, but they're sea monsters, so if they went to jail for that, they would be on death row anyway. 🤣

    I always say no to drugs, but considering that I'm talking to them right now, I probably already said yes.

    My mom and dad got home from a party pretty late. Why do I know? Because I was playing Minecraft all night.

    Anyways, they get home and start fumbling up the stairs and being really loud. I could have swore I heard them fall down. I assumed they were drunk. I was just playing my Switch when they come into my room. Now I'm about 10 at the time so I watch them get undressed IN MY FUCKING BED! I then just stare at them as they notice me before I witness anything. They say that they were doing "intense kissing" the next morning. I believed that at the time, but now I've been to health class. I now know the truth. I wish I hadn't.

    Africa spelled backwards is Acirfa, which means absolutely nothing. But Acirfa spelled backwards is Africa, which is a word.

    I know this isn't about glue, but here's one:

    Cardi B had a sister who was obsessed with fitness. Her name? Cardi O.

    My uncle was a priest.

    He had a two-inch penis, but when it was in my ass, it felt like a torpedo.

    Person: "Sorry to bother you, but what's the quickest way to get to the hospital?"

    Stranger: "Oh, just go stand in the middle of the road!"