But jokes

I was going to share my joke about anal, but, fuck it, it was inappropriate.

"I have cancer," the doctor said. "I have 3 days to live," but I was like "fuck it" and killed him. The jury said, "I have life in prison." I shouted, "Yes!" He said, "Thank you, you saved my life!"

You've heard of anal sex.

You've heard of oral sex.

You've heard of genital sex.

But have you ever heard of NASAL SEX?

The teacher was asking some of her students the meanings of words.

"Sally, can you tell me what 'beautiful' means?"

Sally: "You..."

Teacher: "Aww! How nice! But next time, say the actual definition. Now, can someone tell me what 'malicious' means?"

Andrew: "A dangerous person and/or virus."

Teacher: "Great job, Andrew! Now, what does 'fat' mean? Johnny?"

Johnny: "A pig."

Teacher: "Could you tell me the actual defini- "

Johnny: "In other words, the person who last spoke to me!"

I was gonna make a gay joke but fuck it.

I was thinking of starting up a stair company, but there were too many steps to it.

Say "I cup" but in words.

My biggest joke: I’d show you, but I don’t have a mirror to show you.

An emo tried to give a tree a hive, but it left him hanging.

I'd tell you a 9/11 joke, but it'd fly over your head and into the Twin Towers.

I thought you were just raising your eyebrow, but I checked the x-ray, and your skull shifted 128 degrees to the right.

I usually don't make 9/11 jokes, but they just are fire.

Q: What does your Mama and a slinky have in common?

A: They aren't much to look at, but you can't help cracking a smile when you see it tumbling down the stairs.

Why is the Pentagon mad?

Because it didn't get two pizzas, but only one plane pizza.

I used to look up to my mom, but now that I am 12, I look down on her.

(Bus Driver) What did you learn in school today?

(Kid) We learned that you are a sussy baka.

(Bus Driver) Oh yeah? Well, I quit!

(Kid) Quit what?

(Bus Driver) Living.

(Kid) But it was a joke!

(Bus Driver) Doesn't matter. I will die, but you will still be alive.

(Kid) Ok.

(Bus Driver) That was a joke, too!

I don't get progressive leftists these days. They claim to be supporting BLM, but they aren't pro-life.

I bought a silencer for my gun, but I don't think it works.

My victims still scream.

A woman went into her garden and danced in front of her vegetables.

The next morning, her corn didn’t grow, and the tomatoes didn’t blush or turn red, but the cucumbers grew four inches.

I would make a 9/11 joke, but it just wouldn't land.