But jokes
What's a tower's favorite bagel? I don't know, but it ain't plain.
I wanted to buy some camo pants, but I couldn't find any.
"What’s your name, son?" the principal asked his student. The kid replied, “D-d-d-dav-dav-david, sir.” "Do you have a stutter?" the principal asked. The student answered, “No sir, my dad has a stutter but the guy who registered my name was a real jerk.”
I was going to think of a good amputee joke...
But I’m stumped.
I play saxophone, and I like to tell everyone I am a registered s/o (short for saxophone operator) in hopes of one day starting a jazz band, but now everyone looks at me weird, and when I go to house parties to perform, everyone hides their children, but little do they know I LOVE children. For some reason, I got multiple restraining orders because I said, “I want to touch the kids so they can one day become musicians themselves... like Michael Jackson.” I have then since moved from my hometown to Florida, where I can meet up with other s/o’s, and surprisingly, they have similar stories to me, but they say they have never even touched a saxophone, but they do like touching kids, which I’m all down for, just me and my buddies showing the new youth their abilities.
Update: i figured out what they meant by s/o is not the same as my s/o :(
I love going to church to get closer to God, but my least favorite part of church has to be touching the priest’s penis.
Nothing bad ever happens to the Kennedys! Except that one headshot, but we don’t talk about that.
We stopped by the reception desk, but the receptionist informed us, "I am wan kin the manager." So we just left in disgust!
Almost all of you suck. If you're following me, hah, this isn't a joke, but it gave my profile a 1 thingy heheh. KYS, Wade =D
My girlfriend called me a cocksucker, but hey, 20 dollars is 20 dollars.
What do genders and the Twin Towers have in common? There used to be 2, but now they're a sensitive topic...
What's one thing you can say about your house, but not your girlfriend?
"I wish it were this color, why is it leaking there, I need help trimming the grass I mean bushes, I own it."
I added Paul Walker on Xbox...
But he spends all his time on the dashboard.
Women have ass and tits... but men have dick and rights.
- Sometimes I feel like killing myself...
- But?
- ...
A blonde starts a new job at a local car dealership when a wealthy gentleman comes in looking for a spacious car for his large family. The blonde is excited as she gets commission, so eagerly shows him the most expensive SUVs.
The gentleman has a good look around before saying to the blonde, "It looks perfect.... But cargo space?" To which she instantly replied, "Oh, I'm sorry, sir, car only for road."
NORTH INDIANS: Decent, but overrated af. They are the only thing that comes to many ppl's minds when someone says "Indian".
SOUTH INDIANS: Decent, but underrated af. Many ppl don't even know they exist. They are literally asked if they are North Indians.
WEST AND EAST: Decent but underrated af.
When you accidentally turn in your suicide note instead of your essay to the teacher, but she still gives you an A.
Some people think prison is one word, but to criminals, it’s a whole sentence.
My brother tried to hit this guy with a plane and but hit the Twin Towers.