But jokes
My friend is so ugly, she got surgery twice, but not even that could fix her.
What did Jay Z say when he got pulled over?
"I got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one!"
What do emos and the Twin Towers have in common? There were two, but now there are none.
I would make a dad joke, but I don't have a dad to joke about.
When the school shooter runs out of ammo: K a l m.
When he grabs a full mag: P a n i k.
When he looks back and doesn't see you, but you're hiding in one of the classrooms: K a l m.
When the autistic kid's Sketchers light up: P A N I K.
A father of five puts on a gas mask and a hazard suit and walks outside, but before he could make it, his son came and asked, "Dad, what are you wearing?"
The father answered with, "A costume for Halloween."
The child asked, "Can I join?" He said no, for he said it's their last Halloween. After that, I saw green smoke all over the same house they lived in.
God, I love telling children their parents love them, but only on April Fools'. They're orphans, after all.
I tried to tell an orphan a knock-knock joke, but sadly, there was no door to knock on.
Why can't I touch little old women, but nursing home nurses can?
When babies kick their mother, it's okay, but when I do it, it's a crime...
This isn't an orphan joke, but I got a job at a library, but it only lasted 15 minutes. Turns out, books about women’s rights shouldn’t go in the Sci-Fi / Fantasy section.
Yo mama so fat, that when she fell I didn’t laugh, but damn that sidewalk cracked up. 👋
Johnny and Jill went up the hill to lick Jill's yummy candy.
But Johnny got a SHOCK With a mouthful of COCK Because Jill's REAL NAME?
Was Randy. 👹
I went to school with a gay guy who was really smart, but he always got mad that he got straight A's instead of getting all the D's.
Not totally a joke but... What do all these rape joke naysayers have in common with rapists? They are also forcing themselves on others.
One day, Little Johnny needs to use the bathroom. His mom is in there, so he went in to use it and asked his mom, "What is that between your legs?"
His mom told him that is her bush. Then the next day the same thing happened, but with his dad. He asked his dad, "What is that between his legs?" He said, "My snake."
The same thing happened one more time, except with his grandmother. Little Johnny asked grandma what is on her chest. She said, "My headlights."
One night, Little Johnny caught his parents doing something naughty. Then he said, "Grandma, grandma, turn on your headlights! Daddy's snake is trying to get into mommy's bush!"
I went to a funeral to revive my dead grandmother with the Reboot Card, but my family was upset!
She said you can twerk, so I put her in a tractor and put her to work. She got mad at me and said, "There's no good men," but I gave her a kob and equal pay!
Why is it okay to stab meat, but I can't stab myself? These woke lefties, BLM, Antifa, feminists, eco-warriors, pro-vaccine libtards are stopping your freedom and right to stab yourself!
My wife told me to pass her lip stick, but I gave her a glue stick. Now she is not talking to me.