But jokes

Fineman, Einstein, and Schrodinger walked into a bar.

Fineman says, "It appears we're inside a joke."

Einstein says, "But only to an observer who saw us walk in simultaneously."

To which Schrodinger says, "If someone's looking through the window, I'm leaving!"

I slit my wrist and said, "THAT'S A LOT OF DAMAGE!" So I did it again, but with a knife and said, "NOW *THAT'S* A LOT OF DAMAGE!" I then put watertight Flex Seal on the wound, and it didn't seal.

I remember locking my door, but then I went downstairs to hear someone say, "I'm inside your home." I said, "GTFO my house, BICH!"

My best friend is an orphan, and we try to have sleepovers, but his parents never say yes.

Judge: We shall now sentence you for the murder of your parents.

Accused: Please consider a lenient sentence, your honor.

Judge: But why?

Accused: Because I’m an orphan.

I wasn't cut out for running today, but those cops came out of nowhere.

I am in trouble. My mum asked me to get six cans of Sprite.

But I got seven Up.

Kid: Dad, what's a dark joke?

Dad: Well, you see that guy over there? Tell him to wave.

Kid: But Dad, I'm blind.

Dad: Exactly, also the dude had no arm.

What has 50 legs but can't walk?

25 disabled kids.

Once there were three girls taking a walk in the mountains. One was a brunette, one was a redhead, and the other was a dumb blonde. They came to a cliff and the brunette said, "If you jump off that cliff and say what you want to be you will become it." So the brunette jumped off and said "falcon" and became a falcon. The redhead jumped off and said "eagle" and became an eagle. The dumb blonde ran, was about to jump, but tripped on a rock, and said "crap."

My friend: You really need to stop the SH jokes.

Me: But they're not that long.

Why don't orphans play GTA?

Because they're sad they don't get wanted!

If you jump off a bridge while crying, it's suicide, but if you jump off a bridge while screaming "parkour," it's a failed stunt.

When you're having a normal day at school, but then...

"All the other kids with the pumped up kicks"

I wish I knew life, but my dad said it was a mistake to begin with.

What do you say if you are raped once but feel raped twice?

"I was raped raped."

My sister is the weird dark one and emo of the family. I'm the bright happy one. Once in 3rd grade, I got a huge A on mine, and my sis got a D-.

In the playground near a tree, we were sitting and playing. I said, "Hey, a C- is not that bad," and raised my hand up to give her a high five, but she left me hanging.

I thought opening a door for a lady was good manners, but she just screamed and flew out of the plane.

There are women's support groups, but where are men's support groups?

We have a teacher in school. His name is Haybrock, but he is gay, so we call him Gaybrock.