But jokes

An emo tried to give a tree a hive, but it left him hanging.

I'd tell you a 9/11 joke, but it'd fly over your head and into the Twin Towers.

I thought you were just raising your eyebrow, but I checked the x-ray, and your skull shifted 128 degrees to the right.

I usually don't make 9/11 jokes, but they just are fire.

Q: What does your Mama and a slinky have in common?

A: They aren't much to look at, but you can't help cracking a smile when you see it tumbling down the stairs.

Why is the Pentagon mad?

Because it didn't get two pizzas, but only one plane pizza.

I used to look up to my mom, but now that I am 12, I look down on her.

(Bus Driver) What did you learn in school today?

(Kid) We learned that you are a sussy baka.

(Bus Driver) Oh yeah? Well, I quit!

(Kid) Quit what?

(Bus Driver) Living.

(Kid) But it was a joke!

(Bus Driver) Doesn't matter. I will die, but you will still be alive.

(Kid) Ok.

(Bus Driver) That was a joke, too!

I don't get progressive leftists these days. They claim to be supporting BLM, but they aren't pro-life.

I bought a silencer for my gun, but I don't think it works.

My victims still scream.

A woman went into her garden and danced in front of her vegetables.

The next morning, her corn didn’t grow, and the tomatoes didn’t blush or turn red, but the cucumbers grew four inches.

I would make a 9/11 joke, but it just wouldn't land.

When men watch football but not the women's version maybe there.

Why do girls play handball? Because they want to feel balls.

But then why do boys want to? Oh...

A woman prayed to be a mother everyday for many years until she crossed a road without looking and got hit by a woman driver and died.

When she met God, she asked Him, "How come you didn't answer my prayers?"

God replied, "I did. I kept sending men to rape you, but you kept on choosing to destroy my creations by having an abortion."

You're so tall you can go see God, but you're so tall your balls got small.

They say people are 75% water.

But I’m 75% an orphan and 25% useless.

Okay so not a joke but like- There's a fucking noose in my school gym.

How is toilet paper recycled?

Easier than you would think, but first they have to process the crap out of it.

Judge: We shall now sentence you for the murder of your parents.

Accused: Please consider a lenient sentence, your honor.

Judge: But why?

Accused: Because I’m an orphan.