But jokes

My mom said, "Take out the trash," but I couldn't find you.

I may not be the brightest candle on the cake, but you can still blow me.

POV: Wine Taster in hell.

I was sitting with the best wine ever made on the table in front of me. This silhouette begins to speak, "You have risen to be the most superb Wine Taster on Earth. Then you got run over by a truck hauling freshly made wine to a warehouse. Your crimes are as follows: you left your high school prom date with another man after you got her pregnant, you let your mother believe that the cat ran away after you drowned it in the pool, and you never got married. How do you plead?"

The man looked at the silhouette like it was a purple rabbit.

"Guilty," said the man, "but if you would be so kind would you at least tell me what the wine in front of me tastes and smells like? I will take any punishment you deem fit."

"Very well," said the silhouette, "but you will regret that request."

Out of the shadows comes a boy only looking 19 years old. The boy says, "I will you taster today. I am confident about my sense of taste." The boy takes the first bottle and opens it, pours it into a wine glass, and swirls it around. He then takes a sniff and begins to drink, to the Wine Taster he says, "Mmmm, taste like chicken."

I think Paul Walker and 9/11 jokes are great, but when I tell them to others, they tend to crash and burn.

I wrote a song about a tortilla yesterday, but it’s actually more of a rap.

Why were the people in 911 devastated?

They ordered extra flavored pepperoni pizza, but all they got was plane.

I was asked at school to draw a line across the paper, but instead I showed them my wrists.

I never do dark jokes, but when I feel like it, I prefer orphan jokes, 'cause they're the safest option. I mean, what are they gonna do, call their parents?

A vampire goes to the bakery.

Vampire: "One bun, please."

Baker: "But you're a vampire, don't you need blood?"

Vampire: "Yes, there is an accident outside and I need something to dip."

Well, a lock and a key were going on vacation, but the key said, "Help me, I'm stuck!" and then the lock said, "I think I am in lock-shary."

I would tell you a time travel joke, but you did not like it.

You may not like me, but you still look up to me.

Technoblade can defeat every Minecraft player, but he still can’t defeat cancer!

Technoblade can defeat every Minecraft player, but he still can't defeat cancer!

Why are the Twin Towers and genders so similar?

Because there used to be two of them, but it's offensive to joke about that now.

I would make a joke about 9/11, but it has a tendency to crash and burn.

Men and women are not equal, speaking biologically and mentally. I don't care what other feminists say. Men are naturally physically stronger, while women are more mentally stable (sometimes). The internet and the media will lie. You feminists say that you are stronger. Well, you wish. You can't hit a girl because she is more sensitive, but she says she is stronger. Like, what the hell?

We're not sexist men; you're sexist women. And BTW, you'll rot in hell for hating God's creation. And also, men were created before women. Search it up in the Bible or online.

I saw an emo orphan by a tree, and I was going to give it a high-five, but instead I just let it hang.

There’s no “I” in team, but there is a “U” in cunt.

A boy walks up to a girl and says, "I would tell you a joke about my dick, but it’s too long."

Then the girl says, "Yeah, I would tell you a joke about my pussy, but you’ll never get it."