Brother jokes

I will never forget my little brother's last words, RIP.

His last words: "Paint doesn't taste good."

One time the dog got bit by a snake, so my dad had to shoot it. My dad said to me, "This is what's going to happen to your little brother." "What little brother?" Exactly.

What do you call Mario?

Bros.

My brother: What are you looking at?

Me: A mistake.

My brother eats water from the pig factory at 1:00 a.m., and blames a deaf kid, so he ended up going to solitary.

What did the brother say to the other brother? "You are brother, brother."

My brother caught Covid last month.

First I knew about it was when he speed-dialled me at 3am and gasped, "I can't breathe, I can't breathe!"

I just told him straight: "Bro... you really need to work on your George Floyd jokes."

Ayo imagine having a chocolate fountain, but instead it cost a billion dollars a gallon and you have a hundred thousands, that number will never equate to how many porno magazines and alcoholic beverages and malty liquors stolen from my brother's bedroom as a desperate attempt at being edgy. Ayo, maybe instead of the future cars being powered by petroleum oil and gas, but with hot chocolate.

My brother finally got his driver's license, so he took our new car out for a spin.

At least now I can have his phone he left.

A hillbilly female has to decide if she would save her brother or her boyfriend. She chose both because her brother is her boyfriend.

I was raised an only child, which really pissed my brother.

What do u call a girl that runs faster than her brothers?

A redneck virgin!

My brother is ugly. One time he stuck his head out the window. The police arrested for mooning.

I walked in on my dad fucking my little brother. I don't know what was worse: the fact that he was fucking my brother, or the fact that the abortion clinic let my parents take the fetus home....

Today my idiot brother screamed, "Ahhhhh, I'm dead!" But it wasn't really, so I decided to make it a reality until my sister came...

AND HELPED ME! - for once, but then two minutes later my mom showed up. We killed him right in front of her, and she screamed! "Donuts and pizza for you and more if you go to Mrs. Roberts' house and say hi and bye to Daddy!!!!!" And she hands us both a sharp tool, and I say, "What about Tommy??!!! Aren't you MAD!!!!!!!" Then she replied, "Who's THAT!!??? Coz he ain't mine. His name is Tommy, Tommy Roberts."

So then me and my sister visit Mrs. Roberts, and she said, "Oh, this isn't anything important. Go home!" So then my sister and I say hi! and do a countdown. After that my Nike white jumper had turned red! IT WAS A MUCH BETTER COLOUR, MUM SEEMED TO APROVE AS WELL! 😊😊😊 But then the police question us where daddy was, so then Mom said....................... oh he's moved on! So then the police officer was like, "Ahem, ma'm where!" SO THEN I BELLOWED.......................... UP - UR -A##. And we got let off the hook, then we moved oh and we k!lled the cop 2 and oh did i meantion we HAD a maid, and a landlord and a cat but they were all 2 annoying so we got rid of them and now our new backyard is very smellyyy and i dont think there is enoff space to put muummy anymore so now i dont think sissy will fit either🧐 i will ask my neibour nessy she'll obviously say YES or ill........................................

ok like for part two☺☺☺

My cousin: Brother, I lost in a game of Call of Duty: Moe Bill [he was supposed to pronounce it as mobile; however, I left it as it is].

Me: So tell me about it then.

My cousin: I lost to Sum_Baldi.

Me: Somebody? Don’t they have, like, the name of you opponents?

My cousin: No, no, no, the name was Sum_Baldi. S.U.M_B.A.L.D.I.

Me: Ok, my bad. Continue.

My cousin: I got Sum_Baldi, and 5 seconds later, I got kill[ed] by Sum_Fing_Wong.

Me: It’s not wrong! In Call of Duty, you are suppose to kill or be killed.

My cousin: No, no, no, the name was Sum_Fing_Wong. S.U.M_F.I.N.G_W.O.N.G.

Me: My bad again. Do continue.

My cousin: I got so angry I blow[ed] up.

Me: So you got blowed up, by what weapon?

My cousin: By the game.

Me: [was not expecting that for an answer]

I got home one day and a Spanish guy, white guy, black guy told me that your sister knows her meats.

She won a trophy. We blindfolded her, then my sister said, "Yeah, I was blindfolded, and I gave all three of them blowjobs and I had to guess which flavor of the meat it was."

The Trophy said Best Blowjobs. As a brother, I couldn't be prouder.

I'll never forget my brother's last words: "Why is there a revolver in your hand?"

How I Punch my Brother: Wooden Sword.

How he is telling Dad: Diamond Sword.

How hard my Dad is gonna punch me: Warden Punch.

My mom gives me your stuff because you have bad grades.

Me: How about my 5 little brothers? I have A's; he has F's.

She lets him play anyway and I don't.