Body jokes
Your mum is so fat that when she sat on the toilet, she couldn't because her fat ass can't fit on the toilet seat.
Period: Guess who’s back... back again...
Me: Ugh, can we not do this today?
Period: I can come back in 9 months?
Me: Keep fucking singing.
- Got myself a bathroom scale so now I know exactly how much I poop.
- Right. So you weigh yourself before and after you poop and calculate the difference? That’s cool.
- Oh...that might actually be even easier.
If your nose runs and your feet smell, you are probably built upside down.
Did you hear about the man who died of a Viagra overdose?
They couldn't close the casket.
Hey.
Girl: Hey.
Damn, I forgot my spray bottle.
Girl: What?
It says "spray on flat surfaces."
1+1=3, just add 9 months.
Why wasn't the infant's entire body found?
Because the limbs are scattered around 43°17.7355’N, 113°58.4205’W.
Top tip; if your wife asks, "What would you like to do to my body?" 'Identify it' is the wrong answer.
I have double standards: burn a body at a crematorium and you're being a respectful friend; do it at home and you're destroying evidence.
Is that ass a water barrier 'cause dam[n]?
What part do people slit the most?
Everyone.
Women be like, "Don't body shame," then goes to body shame men's heights.
Yo mama so fat that your mama so fat, mama so fat that, mama so fat that, mama so fat that, mama so fat that, mama so fat that, mama so fat that your mamas just fat.
Big mummy milkers...
If I told you, you had a nice body, would you hold it against me?
What do farts fly with?
Smellicopters!
Remember the big forehead kid who said, "Give me a knife, I'm going to kill myself" because of being bullied?
His head was too big to even exist, and that's why he's dead.
Deez nutz!
One day, Little Johnny needs to use the bathroom. His mom is in there, so he went in to use it and asked his mom, "What is that between your legs?"
His mom told him that is her bush. Then the next day the same thing happened, but with his dad. He asked his dad, "What is that between his legs?" He said, "My snake."
The same thing happened one more time, except with his grandmother. Little Johnny asked grandma what is on her chest. She said, "My headlights."
One night, Little Johnny caught his parents doing something naughty. Then he said, "Grandma, grandma, turn on your headlights! Daddy's snake is trying to get into mommy's bush!"