Body jokes
What has 50 legs but can't walk?
25 disabled kids.
My peepee was big, now it's small.
Sonic Boom in my ass.
Why do emo kids not run? Because their bodies will tear apart from the bones from all the cuts.
If your wife says: “What would you most like to do to my body?” “Identify it” is the wrong answer.
Yo mama's so fat, she's both in the Atlantic and Pacific ocean.
A: Why did Sally fall off the swing?
B: Why?
A: Because she has no arms.
Knock, knock.
B: Who's there?
A: Not Sally.
Joe was eating ice cream while walking on the street. He dropped his ice cream. Why?
B: I don't know, why?
A: Because Sally was driving the car.
Your mum is so fat that when she sat on the toilet, she couldn't because her fat ass can't fit on the toilet seat.
Period: Guess who’s back... back again...
Me: Ugh, can we not do this today?
Period: I can come back in 9 months?
Me: Keep fucking singing.
- Got myself a bathroom scale so now I know exactly how much I poop.
- Right. So you weigh yourself before and after you poop and calculate the difference? That’s cool.
- Oh...that might actually be even easier.
If your nose runs and your feet smell, you are probably built upside down.
Did you hear about the man who died of a Viagra overdose?
They couldn't close the casket.
Hey.
Girl: Hey.
Damn, I forgot my spray bottle.
Girl: What?
It says "spray on flat surfaces."
1+1=3, just add 9 months.
Why wasn't the infant's entire body found?
Because the limbs are scattered around 43°17.7355’N, 113°58.4205’W.
Top tip; if your wife asks, "What would you like to do to my body?" 'Identify it' is the wrong answer.
I have double standards: burn a body at a crematorium and you're being a respectful friend; do it at home and you're destroying evidence.
Is that ass a water barrier 'cause dam[n]?
What part do people slit the most?
Everyone.
Women be like, "Don't body shame," then goes to body shame men's heights.