What's the hardest thing about being a rapist?
My dick.
Bambi was calmly eating grass. All of a sudden, a red dot pointed near his heart caught his attention. He looked around anxiously, and he saw a man in camouflage. He whispered, "Time to join mother, Bambi!" Bambi knew what this meant. He ran. He heard a gunshot, followed by a wave of extreme pain. Bambi fell to the ground. He glanced at his leg, which was no longer attached to his body. The man in camouflage came up to him and stabbed him in the heart. Everything went black...
Someone butt-dialed me again yesterday. It seems that only assholes want to speak to me.
You wanna hear a joke about my penis?
Never mind, it’s too long.
There was a guy who got his entire left side cut off. Don’t worry, he is all right now.
Did you hear about the guy that was cutting off people's feet and taking them?
It took my sole.
A woman noticed her husband standing on a bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach. "Ha! That's not going to help!" she said. "Sure it does," he said. "It's the only way I can see the numbers."
Q: Why did frosty pull down his pants?
A: He heard the snowblower coming.
A guy goes to see his psychiatrist dressed only in bubble wrap. When he gets there, he asked the psych, "Can you please help me?"
The psych says, "No, I'm sorry, I can clearly see your nuts."
A guy is at home and he's about to go get a physical at the doctor's office. When he gets there, the doctor says, "Brian, you're going to have to stop masturbating." He asked the doc why? The doc said, "So I can examine you!"
Why can't Sally hit herself? Because she has no arms.
Yo mama is so fat, she sat on a quarter and popped a booger out of George Washington's nose.
Your mom is fat.
Oooo, roasted!
Yo mama is so stupid, she shoved two double A batteries up her butt and said, “I’ve got the power!”
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves? Russel.
What's worse than sucking a dozen raw oysters out of your grandmother's cunt?
Putting in 12 and sucking out 13.
What is the difference between a Rubik’s cube and a penis? I don’t know, but they both get harder the more you play with them.
What do you call a cheap circumcision?
A rip off.
What did the penis say to the condom?
"Cover me, I'm going in!"
I'm not lazy, I'm just bone tired. I bet that one tickled your funny bone. It sure got me rattled. Don't try to stop me. I've got a skele-ton of these!
