Body jokes
Two cannibals have just captured a man and are about to eat him, so they cook him and lay him on a table. The first cannibal says, "You start at the bottom, I start at the top," so they both chow down.
About half an hour later, the second cannibal says, "I'm having a ball!" Then the first cannibal says, "Then you're eating too fast!"
What did Stephen Hawking love that couldn't move?
Himself, ps particularly his whole body. I was gonna say his legs, but then I remembered he was fully paralysed and was like shitttttttttttttttttttttttttttt.
Why can’t skeletons fight? They don’t have the guts.
Why did Sally drown in the pool?
She didn't have any arms, remember!
Why did Sally drown in the pool?
She had no arms, remember.
What is the similar thing between alcohol and anal sex?
They are not for kids.
What did one skeleton say to the other?
Skeleton 1: "I need a hand!"
Skeleton 2: (Throws up hand)
Skeleton 1: "That wasn't very humerus."
Skeleton 2: "Why do you have to be so heartless?"
Skeleton 1: "At least I had the guts to tell you!"
You blow a kiss up.
Your eyes were bright up your ass.
What do you call a skinny black dick? A Tootsie Roll.
What do you call a dick that's too small to see?
Tick-tack dick.
What did the first guy say to the second?
Wanna shove a banana up yo ass?
Today in math class we had to do an activity where we had to flip coins. The teacher said that we had to flip some coins, remove all of the heads, count them, and put the rest of the coins back in the cup and repeat until we had no coins left. I’m not sure what we were supposed to get out of that activity, but I got 15 dead bodies.
You know, it's only considered murder if there's a body. Otherwise, it's just a missing person.
What's the grossest thing ever?
A bag of dead babies.
What's even more gross?
The bottom one is still wriggling!
Q: What's a skeleton's favorite instrument? A: A tromBONE.
Friend: Why don't you cut your hair?
Me: Dunno, but I'll probably cut my wrists first.
What do you call a black hole?
Butt hole.
What do you call a butt that kills people?
An ASSassin :)
Levi and Andrew are fat.
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground Beef!
I'mma flip this coin, if it lands on heads, tuh, you gotta give me head, if it lands on tails then you gotta give me the booty, so lets give this a try *flips coin* OOP! Would ya look at that, it landed on both, ESSKETIT!