Blind jokes
Have you ever seen Helen Keller's dog?
Neither has she.
How did the blind boy's parents punish him?
Rearrange the furniture.
What is the worst thing about dating a blind woman?
Getting her husband's voice just right.
What did the deaf, dumb, and blind kid get for Christmas?
Answer: cancer.
How do you surprise a blind guy?
Say, "Surprise!"
A blind kid was talking to me because he was getting bullied...
I told him, "Just tell them what you see!"
A blind pilot walks into a plane waving his walking stick.
The passengers all look at each other in disbelief. The flight attendant gets on the PA and says,
"Ladies and gentlemen, as you can see, the captain is legally blind, but rest assured, he is one of the best pilots in the world with over six thousand successful flights."
Next the co-pilot makes his way to the plane, and he is also blind and uses his walking stick to make it to the cabin.
The flight attendant gets on the PA and says,
"Ladies and gentlemen, as you can see, the co-pilot is also blind, but rest assured, he is the second-best pilot in the world with over five thousand successful flights."
At this point, the plane begins to take off from the runway. As it gains speed, the passengers grow tenser. The plane keeps accelerating more and more, and as it approaches the end of the runway, it still hasn't left the ground. The plane is approaching the end of the runway at high speed, and the passengers scream, "Oh my God, we're all going to die!"
Suddenly, the plane takes off and begins its ascent.
The pilot turns to the co-pilot and says, "The day they stop screaming, we're screwed."
What do you call Helen Keller in a pitch black, sound proof room?
Unnecessary.
What’s black and rings the doorbell?
Stevie Wonder answering the iron.
I don't know why my blind kid is crying, but I think it could be the tacks I put on the couch.
Kid: Mom, what’s dark humor?
Mom: Do you see that man without arms over there? Tell him to clap.
Kid: But, Mom, I’m blind!
Mom: Exactly.
Breaking news: Man with Alzheimer's forgets he's blind and recovers from visual impairment.
What do an emo girl and a blind girl have in common?
Black is their favorite color.
Helen Keller is so Helen Keller-y that nobody will be as good as Helen Keller.
There's a blind hooker in town.
She never sees anyone coming.
One day my kid with no arms came up to me and said, "Mom, what's dark humor?" I thought about it, then said, "Go wave to that blind person." He just looked at me, confused, but angry.
If a blind person can’t see, then do they sleep?
They’re the night watchers while people who see sleep.
My son asked me what dark humor was, so I told him, "see that kid in the wheelchair, ask him to stand." He said, "But Dad I'm blind." Exactly.
What's handsome and smart, you can hear him and see him? It's you good-looking guys! So sad you can't read this since you're blind. Oh geez, I just found this website and I want to make people laugh. Too bad they can't see the joke.
Why can’t blind people sing [if] that can’t hear because they can see the lyrics?