Bill Jokes

Why did an old man fall in a well? Because he couldn’t see that well!

Why did the actor fall through the floorboards? They were going through a stage!

Why did a scarecrow win a Nobel prize? He was outstanding in his field!

Why are peppers the best at archery? Because they habanero!

What did the duck say after she bought chapstick? Put it on my bill!

What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta!

What did the three-legged dog say when he walked into a saloon? “I’m looking for the man who shot my paw!”

How do you tell the difference between a bull and a cow? It is either one or the udder!

What’s red and smells like blue paint? Red paint!

What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? One is very heavy, the other is a little lighter!

hi i am bill

Why are people surprised by Johnny Depp having $30,000 wine bills, domestic violence accusations, rampant substance abuse, poor hygiene, and the looks of a predator? He grew up a Florida Man, after all.

Waitress: You wanna box for your leftovers? Me: No, but i`ll arm wrestle you for the bill.

bippidy boppidy boo Bill Cosby is coming for you

How do you enter your house?

Through Bill gates!

How do turn a duck into a soul singer?

Put him in the microwave until his bill withers

How to decorate a wall:

Strip of the paper and original plaster

put on fresh plaster and wall paper

paint it (if you want)

Send a bill to North America and wait patiently for a reply

Bill? Bill?" bill hears faintly in the distance. Bill Nye snapped back into reality only to find he had peed all over the set.

Why are people acting like Kamala Harris is the first woman to obtain such a high ranking position in the US Government?

Have we all forgotten that Monica Lewinsky was directly under Bill Clinton?

what's the difference between me and bill Cosby

I haven't been caught.

Your hairlines so far back even bill nye the science guy couldn't use photosynthesis to fix it.

bill really said your body my chocie like my mans it your body MY chocie

How did the guys with down syndrome split the dinner bill? They all made a down payment.

Yoo! I Found a 100$ Bill, Found a child who said they lost their 100$ Bill. Gave them 25$ When god gives you glory. You give it back.

Why did the duck not enjoy his restaurant date?

Because he didn't want to see the bill.

A women brought her hamster to the vet. The vet takes a look and concludes the hamster died.

The woman doesn't believe it and request further investigation. So the vet lets in a Labrador. The dog sniffs around the hamster and shortly after he produces a sad whine, shakes his had and leaves the room with his tail low.

The woman, still not convinced, demands more examinations. The vet gets one of his cats. It walks around the hamster and pets it. After some time it shakes her head and runs of quickly.

"Fine, I believe you now," the woman says, my beloved hamster is dead. "I'm sorry for your loss", the vet replies. "Your bill for this visit will be 1505 dollars" says the vet. "what? 1505 dollars just to tell me my hamster is dead?" The woman says shocked.

The vet replies: "No, 5 dollars to tell your hamster died, 500 dollars for the lab report and 1000 dollars for the CAT scan."

Stephan Hawking went bankrupt after he found out somebody in his house was costing him way too much money on electricity bills He just couldn’t figure out who