Bill jokes

Why did an old man fall in a well? Because he couldn’t see that well!

Why did the actor fall through the floorboards? They were going through a stage!

Why did a scarecrow win a Nobel prize? He was outstanding in his field!

Why are peppers the best at archery? Because they habanero!

What did the duck say after she bought chapstick? Put it on my bill!

What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta!

What did the three-legged dog say when he walked into a saloon? “I’m looking for the man who shot my paw!”

How do you tell the difference between a bull and a cow? It is either one or the udder!

What’s red and smells like blue paint? Red paint!

What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? One is very heavy, the other is a little lighter!

My boss said she would've loved to meet Bill Cosby as a child. I don't get why I'm getting arrested. I was just making sure his dream came true.

Hi, I am Bill.

Waitress: You wanna box for your leftovers?

Me: No, but I'll arm wrestle you for the bill.

How do you enter your house?

Through Bill Gates!

"Bippidy boppidy boo! Bill Cosby is coming for you!"

A man walks into a bar and sees a jar of ten dollar bills, so he asks the bartender if it's a jar of tips. The bartender says no, it's for a bet. So the man asks what the bet is and the bartender says, "Well, if you put ten dollars into the jar then knock out the bouncer, next you go outside and remove a rotten tooth out of the rottweiler's mouth, and last you go upstairs and give an orgasm to the fat lady who has never had one. If you can do all those things then you get everything in the jar as well as free drinks for the month." So the guy puts in ten dollars, turns to the guy next to him and knocks him out with one punch. Then the guy continues outside, all you hear for an hour is screaming and whining from the dog. When all is silent, the man walks in and asks, "So where is the fat lady with the tooth?"

How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?

Put him in the microwave until his bill Withers.

How to decorate a wall:

Strip off the paper and original plaster.

Put on fresh plaster and wallpaper.

Paint it (if you want).

Send a bill to North America and wait patiently for a reply.

What's the difference between me and Bill Cosby?

I haven't been caught.

Why are people acting like Kamala Harris is the first woman to obtain such a high-ranking position in the US government?

Have we all forgotten that Monica Lewinsky was directly under Bill Clinton?

Bill really said "your body, my choice," like, my man, it's your body, MY choice.

"Bill? Bill?" Bill hears faintly in the distance.

Bill Nye snapped back into reality only to find he had peed all over the set.

Your hairline's so far back even Bill Nye the Science Guy couldn't use photosynthesis to fix it.

The media's relationship with Hillary is just like Bill's relationship with Hillary. The relationship is unwanted and forced, and they'll move on to the next person any chance they get.

What did Bill Cosby say on the second date?

"Hi, nice to meet you."

How did the guys with Down syndrome split the dinner bill? They all made a down payment.

Yoo! I found a $100 bill, found a child who said they lost their $100 bill. Gave them $25.

When God gives you glory, you give it back.

Why did the duck not enjoy his restaurant date?

Because he didn't want to see the bill.

Being a man that is poor really isn't that bad as long as you are involved in the world's oldest profession and you are well-endowed and you are not homophobic and as long as you can suck the chrome off a tailpipe then you have nothing to worry about if you are desperate enough to pay your bills.

Lack of money is the root of all evil. 😊