Bill Jokes

A woman brought her hamster to the vet. The vet takes a look and concludes the hamster died.

The woman doesn't believe it and requests further investigation. So the vet lets in a Labrador. The dog sniffs around the hamster and shortly after he produces a sad whine, shakes his head and leaves the room with his tail low.

The woman, still not convinced, demands more examinations. The vet gets one of his cats. It walks around the hamster and pets it. After some time it shakes her head and runs off quickly.

"Fine, I believe you now," the woman says, "my beloved hamster is dead." "I'm sorry for your loss," the vet replies. "Your bill for this visit will be 1505 dollars," says the vet. "What? 1505 dollars just to tell me my hamster is dead?" The woman says shocked.

The vet replies: "No, 5 dollars to tell your hamster died, 500 dollars for the lab report and 1000 dollars for the CAT scan."

Why were ET's eyes so big?

Because he saw the phone bill.

Stephen Hawking went bankrupt after he found out somebody in his house was costing him way too much money on electricity bills.

He just couldn’t figure out who.

Q: Why did Bill Cosby get away with it?

A: Because the women were all Cosby-ing for it!

Who is Bill Cosby’s favorite Disney princess?

Sleeping Beauty.

The image shows the text "Bill Gates in his billion dollar bunker watching me empty a cement truck into his only exit." Below the text is a close-up of a man with blond hair.

Why did Hitler commit suicide?

He got the gas bill.

How do birds pay? With their bills!

What's red and got makeup all over?

A Bill Cosby victim.

Yo what quacking lacking? Looking for a ducking good time? I've got some one lines and knee slappers that ought to fix the bill. What happens flied upside down? It quacks up.

What does Stephen Hawking have in common with Bill Gates? One stands, the other doesn't.

What would Bill Cosby be if he was white?

Innocent.

The truth behind Hitler's suicide: his gas bill was too high.

What is the difference between Bill Cosby and a rap artist?

The word "art."

It's obvious Bill Gates didn't create COVID.

None of his other products are able to release new versions this frequently.

Bill Clinton, George W. Bush, and George Washington are on a sinking ship.

As the boat sinks, George Washington heroically shouts: “Save the women!”

George W. Bush hysterically hollers: “Screw the women!”

Bill Clinton asks excitedly: “Do we have time?”

Bill Clinton and Joe Biden are on a sinking ship.

Joe Biden says we need to save the women and children. Bill Clinton says, "Screw the women and children." Joe Biden says, "Do we have that much time?"