Once there were twins, Mark and Michael. Mark was the owner of an old boat. It so happened that Michael's wife died the same day that Mark's boat sank. A few days later, a kindly old woman saw Mark and mistook him for Michael. She said, "I'm sorry to hear about your loss. You must just feel terrible." Mark, thinking that she was talking about his boat, said, "Heck no. In fact, I'm sort of glad to be rid of her. She was a rotten old thing right from the beginning. Her bottom was all shriveled up and she smelled like old dead fish. She was always losing her water; she had a bad crack in the back and a pretty big hole in the front too. Every time I used her, her hole got bigger and she leaked like crazy. I guess what finally finished her off was when I rented her to these four guys looking for a good time. I warned them that she wasn't very good, but they wanted to use her anyhow. The fools tried to get in her all at once and she split right up the middle!" The old lady fainted.
Your forehead is so big and shiny it looks like a solar field.
At every funeral, it's a try-not-to-say-"big mood"-challenge for me.
Yo forehead so big, NASA thought it was Mars.
Everyone's always saying they're so worried about America's big button, the one that controls all the nuclear power. I'm not worried about that... I'm worried about the idiot on the end of it.
What is big, annoying, and full of blubber?
90% of America's population.
When is it bedtime in the Jacksons' house?
When the big hand 🖐 meets the little 🤚.
Your forehead is too big. I can see my future when it shines.
Your forehead's so big, it makes Kanye's ego small.
Why did the pelican get kicked out of the restaurant? Because he had a big bill.
I got in big trouble the other day, though it was pretty unfair. Babies kick pregnant women all the time, and yet I got arrested anyways.
The little camel asks his mother: "Mum, why do we have these big humps?"
"Because in these humps there is some water, and in the hot desert we can drink."
"And Mum, why do we have this large fur?"
"Because the desert at night is so cold, and then we don’t feel cold."
"And Mum, why do we got these big hoofs?"
"Because the desert sand is hot, and the hoofs save us from the hot sand."
"But Mum, what the fuck are we doing here in the national zoo?"
If you have 13 apples in one hand and 10 oranges in the other, what do you have?
Big hands.
What is big and bouncy and walks on stilts?
Your hairline goes so far back it remembers the big band.
Yo mama is so fat that when she walks, she causes earthquakes. She is so big that she has her own zip code and gravity field. She is so heavy that she needs a crane to get out of bed. She is so obese that she can't fit in any clothes, except for a circus tent. She is so large that she blocks the sun and causes eclipses.
Hot women with big boobs work at Hooters, but where does a handicap woman work?
IHOP.
Your forehead is so big, it's a $20 taxi ride from your hairline to your eyebrows.
Little Johnny was playing with dick when his teacher walked in the room. She asked him what he was doing, he said Im doing my homework. The teacher saw how big his cock was and asked him to have sex with her. He willingly did so. Little johnny was already 25 so it didn't matter. The only thing was that he was homeschooled.
My wife called me a pedo. That's a big word for a 6 year old.
