Better jokes
Leo might not be the dumbest person in the world... but she’d better hope they don’t DIE!
Q. What’s white, sticky, and better to spit than to swallow?
A. Toothpaste.
Okay, what do you call that purple thing in your mom's top dresser drawer that she calls her best best friend for some weird reason?
Dad better look out from Bob, battery-operated boyfriend, hahaha!
I bet when you take a bath, they give you the whole pool. No, better yet, the ocean!
Meeting a girl at a park is good, but parking meat in girl is better.
Me: Hey God, are you there? It's me, Michael.
God: *SILENCE*
Me: If any gods exist, they better say or do something this instant!
God: *SILENCE*
My mom always said garlic powder makes everything better, so I sprinkled some on my divorce papers and my wife's broken leg.
Little Brown Bear (LBB): Why did Santa take the kitty and all of my toys, Mummy?
His mom: Maybe because you're the second most massive shit stain besides Caillou.
*Krampus comes down the chimney to eat LBB*
Krampus: Should’ve been better, Little Bear.
LBB: Help, Mummy! He’s the Scratchy monster!
Shrek: Just kidding, it’s not Krampus, but indeed me and Black Donkey instead, and we’re going to poop on your floor.
Duggie: Hopefully Marvin doesn’t see us, and by the way, want some purplish Kool-Aid?
What did the rapper say to the microphone?
"You better DROP THE BEAT, or I'll drop YOU!"
Sailors are coming onto the boardwalk and are met by Colonel Sanders. He asks them, "What is your occupation?" They respond, "We are seamen." So he says, "Well, you better wash up 'cause I'm finger lickin' good!"
Even the World Trade Center underwent a better upgrade than your ugly ass.
Who’s better, Bird or Magic?
What does a perverted frog say? Rub it.
Why don't witches wear underwear? To get a better grip on their broom.
What do girls and rocks have in common? The flat ones get skipped.
What is red and goes 200 mph? A baby in a blender.
I'm better than you in every single way... I even have an extra chromosome.
Anyone else on here looking at depressing jokes to make themselves feel better? Not that it's working, but it's nice to know that I'm not alone. Well, enough with the sob story, I gotta go get my razors. See ya in the long run.
If I tell Stephen about these jokes, what is he gonna do? Chase after me? He better run fast!
The village people said that they need their idiot back; you better get going!
Gwen, this needs to stop, so please, this is not a dating website, go on Tinder or something, just not here. Hate me if it makes you feel better, but this is sickening!
Who are you?
Yourself.
Gwen, let's chat at night for about 1 hour! I want to get to know each other better!
P.S., it's Jake.