Being jokes

What do you call a zombie?

Nothing because zombies aren’t real, and if they were, you would be dead.

What is the origin of the glory hole?

The origins can be found in San Francisco, California, where historians claim that a meat thermometer was sticking out of a hole from both sides, especially the divider between bathroom stalls inside the men's restroom used for an anonymous massage for gay men by gay men in San Francisco, CA, in the Wild West.

Orphan: I want to be a relator.

Teacher: Why?

Orphan: Because I never had one in my childhood.

My Grandpa was supposed to be in 9/11, but airport security got him.

He is looking for children. If you don't know who EDP445 is, look him up.

Be careful around EDP445.

A project where people get lined up to be changed.

What's the difference between a hoe and a sidechick? The hoe want different meals, the sidechick always gone be that one crumb on the side of the plate for debate 💯.

How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?

Don't be stupid, feminists can't change anything.

What did the dad say to the kid?

"U got to be kidding me."

Genders are like the Twin Towers.

There used to be 2 of them, but now it’s a sensitive subject.

Jesus was being hung up on the cross, and me and all the other people at the bottom of the hill were watching. Jesus cries out,

"Peter, Peter come to me!"

So I climb up the hill on my hands and knees, and when I reach the top, the Romans cut off my arms and chuck me back down the hill.

"Peter, Peter come to me!" cries Jesus once more. I stumble up the hill, then the Romans cut my legs off and threw me back down. For the third time, Jesus cries,

"Peter, Peter come to me!". So I wriggle up the hill, and I guess the Romans pitied me and let me through.

"Look Peter, I can see my house from here!"

If a tree could be any animal, what would it be?

Answer: A dog because of its bark lol. 😀

I was always told as a kid that I have to pick between being a programmer and an English teacher.

They said: you can't be a "pro-grammer nazi."

You must be rich! You've got all the cashews.

A young, innocent little girl is playing hopscotch, and she says, "You step on a crack, you break your mama's back." Then she steps on a crack, so her mother's back proceeded to break slowly. Then she said, "You step on a line, you break your dada's spine," but the neighbor's spine broke, and in happiness, the thought-to-be previous father gets in his car and drives through the garage door...

My buddy and I both wanted to marry a woman who happened to be an amputee.

Sadly, my buddy won her heart, but I got her leg.

When the priest said, "Be gone from this boy, demon!" the demon replied, "And you get out of the boy!"

Roses are red, violets are blue, there are kids in my basement, you'll be there soon.

Why can't emos come out of the closet to their parents?

Because they won't be there to stick around.

This is a joke to tell to someone with you or something. SOMEONE will laugh. Say: "This word isn't gonna be funny until I tell you, your probably not going to laugh." *your friend* "what's the word?" *you* "finger" *friend* *dies of laughter*. *note* it works better if you wiggle your finger or something before and not everyone laughs, so don't feel bad if they don't. Also, don't be surprised if you get put in jail for murder, because you're going to kill someone with this.