Being jokes
What's the worst thing to happen to a Japanese person in WW2... being drafted as a kamikaze pilot, or existing with a Fat Man or Little Boy?
There are a lot of upsides to being an orphan.
For one, you never have to worry about your jokes being family friendly.
New degree plans announced by Cornell University:
- Frat Studies, includes classes in acquiring ketamine and arranging threesomes with your homeboy and some random girl.
- Sorority Studies, includes classes in oral sex, binge drinking, and bullshitting after the fact.
- Consent Theory, teaches the new generation that "Yes" means "No" and your problems can all be solved by regretting your own poor decision-making (the shop's still open btw).
You're at a funeral. Your mum says be quiet, so you snigger at the body and say, "Bye forever, bitch."
My attitude doesn't have to be the only reason I yell and roll my eyes in the back of my head.
A kid just becomes an orphan, well, I guess it's better than being a hobo.
I heard there is a zozo hobo who eats all your Pringles.
What’s one thing you can say during family dinner and in bed?
"Will there be seconds?"
I was beefing with a dude in a wheelchair, so I took his wheelchair and threw it across the street and told him, "Walk it off, you will be fine."
Doctor: "I have good news and I have worse news." Patient: "Well, what's the bad news?" Doctor: "You have one day left to live." Patient: "What news could possibly be worse?" Doctor: "I've been trying to contact you since yesterday!"
If I don't get a bf by the end of this month, Christmas lights won't be the only thing hanging from the roof.
A black guy walks into a store to buy some watermelon and fried chicken. The cashier says, "That'll be $20." He pulls out his wallet, but it's empty. Suddenly, a bigger black guy bursts in, grabs him, and says, "Time to pay up, n***a!" Then he bends him over the counter and fucks him in the ass.
So I walk into Orchids Of Asia. I come out three minutes later with the best massage of my life. What's the catch? Aye, there, matey, the catch of the day be crabs.
Why did the orphan commit a crime?
Because they wanted to be wanted!
Why did the orphan rob a bank?
He wanted to be wanted! 😢😂
What is the difference between a human being and a tree tree house that is a tree tree house that is a tree tree house that is a tree tree 🌳?
Why should you always knock on the fridge door before opening it?
The salad could be dressing!
10 years ago my dad went to get milk. He said when he got back, he was going to tell me a joke. That joke better be worth it!
My nickname should be night light... because kids turn me on...
Why is time important? To not be late.
Why did the basketball player not get on the bus?
Because he couldn’t be caught travelling! 😂