Being jokes

Dad

    • This isn't a joke. My dad went to the shops for some bread 16 years ago. He still hasn't returned. Should I be worried yet? Or should I wait a year?

    Bill Cosby

    • 7 little children gathered around the bed Bill Cosby's fantasy.

    All he wants to do is tickle the kids, it's as plain as can be.

    7 cellmates gathered around the bed ready to rape Bill Cosby instead.

  • 7

    • Stairs

    • Do nothing about people falling down the stairs, it will keep happening.

    Put razor blades on the stairs, it will be their last time falling down the stairs.

  • 0

    • Cover

    • Michael Jackson was working on a cover of a popular Elton John song when he died...

    His version was to be called "Don't Let Your Son Go Down on Me"...

  • 1

    • Blonde

    • A brunette, a red-head, and a blonde are being chased by bandits. They are chased to the edge of a cliff and a genie appears.

    "I will help you escape," says the genie, "say what you wish to turn into, and you will become that thing."

    The brunette jumps off the cliff and says "Hawk." She turns into a hawk and flies away. The red-head says "Falcon." She turns into a falcon and flies away. Now the blonde is alone and the bandits are getting closer. She makes her decision and backs up, then runs toward the cliff. And...she trips and says "Crap."

    The End

  • 0

    • Artist

    • An artist is commissioned to create a painting celebrating Soviet-Polish friendship, to be called "Lenin in Poland." When the painting is unveiled at the Kremlin, there is a gasp from the invited guests.

    The painting depicts Lenin's wife naked in bed with Leon Trotsky.

    "But this is a travesty! Where is Lenin?" asks one of the guests.

    "Lenin is in Poland," replies the painter.

  • 0

    • Phone Call

    • Three people died and went to Hell. One of them is from America, the second guy is from Germany, and the third guy is from Afghanistan. The devil lets each person make a phone call to their loved ones in the country they came from, but they will be charged. The American spends 10 minutes on the phone and is charged $20. The German spends 12 minutes on the phone and is charged $24. The man from Afghanistan spends half an hour on the phone and is charged nothing. The other two guys asked the devil why. The devil responded: "Local calls are free."

  • 10

    • Brother

    • So Timmy was walking down the street with his friend Lea. Suddenly a car drives by and Timmy waves at the car.

    Lea looks at him, puzzled, then later asks him; "Why'd you wave at that car back there?"

    Timmy replies "Oh that was my brother, he went to the bar. He must just be driving home..."

    Name

    • How do Asian people name their children?

    They throw a pan down the stairs.

    What would your name be? Msg it to @chelsearosegraham.

  • 3

    • Water

    • I tried a pun about water, but people "sea" right through it, and when people complain, they are usually just being a beach.

  • 0

    • Dog

    • A man had moved to a new country with his dog and with basic understanding of the language. One day he heard people talking about a place for dogs, so he took his dog there, telling them he wanted his dog to be groomed.

    The man behind the counter responded with "yes happy dog, come back in little hours." So the man left and came back a couple hours later. When he asked about his dog, he was given a box of jerky. He found out "Happy Dog" was the name of the place where dogs become food.

  • 3