Being jokes

A foreign man came to America not knowing a word of English and right away began looking for a job. He became a chorus teacher and learned to say, "Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi!" After that he joined the Army and learned to say, "Yes sir!" After that he worked at a restaurant and learned to say, "Forks and knives, forks and knives!" After that he worked at a candy store and picked up the words, "Goody-goody gumdrops!"

A few weeks later, there was a murder in the area and he was the first person to be interrogated by the police. The interrogation went as follows:

Policeman: "Who killed the man?" Foreign man: "Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi!" Policeman: "Did you kill the man?" Foreign man: "Yes sir!" Policeman: "What did you use to kill him?" Foreign man: "Forks and knives, forks and knives!" Policeman: "You're under arrest." Foreign man: "Goody-goody gumdrops!"

To be brutally honest, I think his wife let him die for money, because they could just plug him back in. Surely they have an Android cable about?

Build a man a fire, he will be warm for a day. Give him some Tfox merch, and he will be on fire.

6:30 has to be the best time, hands down.

How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb?

Must be more than 9 because my basement is still dark.

A police officer writes a ticket for a car not being parked correctly. The driver asks why. When he realizes he is parked poorly, he responds, "Oh. I'm terribly sorry. You see, I'm so gay I can't even park straight."

One cow asks another cow, "Are you afraid of mad cow disease?"

The other cow says, "Why should I be? I'm a helicopter."

My girlfriend said she wanted to be pampered. I told her I wasn't into diaper fetishes.

Donald Trump was golfing with Barack Obama. The Donald said, "Listen Barack, I'm getting older and I'm having trouble sexually satisfying my young wife. I know that you black guys are supposed to be magic in bed. Can you give me a few pointers?" Barack gave Donald a few ideas and that night Donald made love to his wife. He did everything he was told. He started out slowly entering his wife gently then finished hard. Melania came quickly screaming. "Oh Donald, You fuck just like Barack Obama."

DDLC be like: "You kinda left her (Sayori) hanging."

And Yuri TOOK A SEAT...

On the floor.

And died.

The end.

I hope there is a lift to heaven. I shouldn’t be making jokes though.

Tyler M is not to be sitting in the chair he is right now.

Smaller babies may be delivered by a stork, but bigger ones need a crane.

What do you call a mouse that doesn't like being known about?

Anonymouse.

Why are blind people so good at being a Jedi?

They are always swinging a stick.

The reason why I stopped eating salads was not to be unhealthy; it was so I don't need to eat the wheelchairs along with all those fucking vegetables.

Stephen was a great person, and he will be greatly missed, but I enjoy these jokes too much to not stop.

For Stephen Hawking, why is being drunk and having his power shut out the same?

He blacks out.

Be warned, if you are in the shower, I might pikachu and it's not my fault if I see any jigglypuffs.

My teacher gave us an assignment, and one of the questions was "What do you want to be when you grow up?"

I answered, "Happy."

The teacher said I didn't understand the test. I said to her that she didn't understand life.