Beat jokes
My sister beat me in a race. She gave me a raspberry. I was bitter.
What's Pee-Wee Herman's favorite Michael Jackson song?
Beat It.
Your grandmother died because she fell on the highest floor of the hotel. Your grandfather died because he got shot while saving your mother. If he didn't save your mother, you wouldn't be here.
You grew up in a world full of viruses. You wanted the virus to be gone. There's only one way, but you have to know it. I can't tell it for you.
Your mother got Covid-19. You prayed and prayed all night, hoping that she would be okay. The next day, the doctors went to your house without your mother. You asked, "Where is my mother?!" The doctors said, "Your mother is gone, so we came here to tell you." The doctors left. Another hour, you were thinking while crying, "Why was my prayer not working? Lord, why'd you let me down?"
You searched on Google "How to bring back the dead." The Google workers declined it. Your father left you because he loved another girl. Your brothers are still with you, but what if they get the virus? Who will be with you?
Don't forget Jesus is still there for you. Don't give up, keep going, and you will succeed soon. You will find your own family and beat the coronavirus.
I don't get why cancer is so hard to beat. My friend's already on stage 4.
Police: Where do you live? Child: With my parents.
Police: Where do your parents live? Child: With me.
Police: Where do you all live? Child: Together.
Police: Where is your house? Child: Next to my neighbor's house.
Police: Where is your neighbor's house? Child: If I tell you, would you believe me?
Police: Yes. Now tell me. Child: Next to my house.
Police: ... Child: 😊
Police: *Proceeds to beat the life out of the child*
Why do I call my dog a vibrator?
Because every time my dog acts like a dildo, I beat him, and when I beat him, he shakes. What do you call a shaking dildo? A vibrator, therefore I call my dog a vibrator.
Why does Aaron cry at night? His alcoholic father beats him.
Why was the rapper always the life of the party?
Because they knew how to DROP the BEAT!
I actually want peace, not war.
That's what I always try reminding my girlfriend before beating her up.
What did the mic say to the rapper?
"Don’t DROP me, bro!"
I beat up a blind kid, but he says he's the strongest. He never saw that one!
How do you know if a rapper is hungry?
They start dropping BEATS at the dinner table.
No one will fight me, who is brave and strong enough to beat this beta simp femboy?
What’s the difference between video games and my dad?
My dad doesn’t beat me.
What do you do when you're bored?
Beat up an orphan, what are they going to do, tell their parents?
My friend and I were playing Poker... And my friend also beat me with Jackass.
What’s the difference between a prostitute and cancer?
A prostitute can beat my dick any day, but a prostitute can’t beat cancer.
I want some cheeseburgers just to eat. I'm talkin' ketchup. My n***a mustard on that BEAT!
My dad always used to beat me, but he never beat cancer.
Good Evening Twitter, this is your boy EatDatPussy445, and about like 30-45 minutes ago, I beat the f*** out of my dick so god damn hard that I can't even feel my left leg, my left leg has went totally numb. And, my dick has also went totally numb, to the point where it feels f***ing weird when I go and take a piss.