Bar jokes
Why can’t Homer Simpson bring his family into Moe’s Tavern?
Because there’s a bartender in there.
What do you get when you cross a rapper with an accountant?
A money manager who counts bars.
Why did the rapper become a carpenter?
To build some SOLID BARS.
Why was the rapper afraid of elevators?
He was worried about getting stuck between the bars.
Why was the rapper cold in the recording studio?
Because his bars were ice.
A Roman walks into a bar and asks for a Martinus.
"Don't you mean a martini?" asks the bartender.
The Roman replies, "If I wanted a double, I would have asked for one!"
Why did the rapper bring a ladder to the studio?
Because he wanted to drop higher bars!
A grasshopper walked into a bar and sat down at the counter.
The bartender looked at him and said, "We have a drink named after you." The grasshopper replied, "Who names a drink Steve?"
An Irishman walks out of a bar.
Q: A guy walks into a bar, what does he say?
A: Ow!
A guy walks into a bar, then a table, and then a chair.
A man walks into a bar. The corrections officer says, "Usually we open the cell before you go in, now stop bleeding on my floor!"
Where do terrorists go for food? The Allah snack bar.
A man tried to tame a horse, but always failed. The news spread around town that this man couldn’t tame one single horse.
One day, the man went to a bar, where a fairly old man sat next to him. “Well partner!” He began. “I guess your dream horse is more of a NIGHT-MARE!”
White Russians, do you mean red, white, blue, and dead White Russians?
Fineman, Einstein, and Schrodinger walked into a bar.
Fineman says, "It appears we're inside a joke."
Einstein says, "But only to an observer who saw us walk in simultaneously."
To which Schrodinger says, "If someone's looking through the window, I'm leaving!"
What do you call a Mexican who can’t find the bar?
Barlos.
Yo momma is so stupid, she eats cardboard boxes thinking they're chocolate bars.
What kind of candy do astronauts eat in space?
Mars bars.
Ted Bundy walks into a bar wearing all black. The bartender asks, “Whose funeral is it?”
Ted Bundy looks around the room and replies, “I haven’t decided yet.”