Bar jokes

Why did the rapper bring a ladder to the studio?

Because he heard the bars were high.

Why did the rapper become a MATH TEACHER?

Because he was good with bars and beats.

Why was the math book sad at the rap battle?

Because it couldn't count the bars!

Why did the rapper go to therapy?

He had too many BARS he couldn't drop.

What did the rapper say to the fridge? (Part 2)

“I'm HUNGRY for some BARS!"

Why was the rapper so good at math?

Because he could always count his bars.

How does a rapper make tea?

He drops some HOT BARS into a cup.

A snake walks into the bar... the bartender says, "How the heck did you do that?"

What has nut, long, big, and sticky? A Snickers bar.

A man walks into a bar carrying a big chunk of asphalt and says to the bartender, “Make mine a double Scotch and one more for the road.”

If Jonny ate 29 out of 30 chocolate bars what would he have? Diabetus. Jonny would have diabetus.

A train walks into a bar. It says to the barkeeper, "I'll have a gallon of ale."

"A gallon?" the barkeeper asks.

"Yes," replies the train, "I always end up chugging it."

A peanut and another peanut walk into a bar.

One was a salted peanut.

A man said his bars are lit. I said no, because mine are fire.

Q: Two skeletons walk into a bar. What happens?

A: They fall.

(They walked into a BAR, as in a rod or whatnot.)

Why did the short person bring a ladder to the bar?

Because they heard the drinks were on the house!

Why can’t Homer Simpson bring his family into Moe’s Tavern?

Because there’s a bartender in there.

My brother goes into the bar and says, "Bartender, give me 12 beers and a shot of whiskey." The bartender says, "That's a lot of alcohol." My brother says, "I'm celebrating my first blowjob." The bartender said, "Let me buy you a drink." My brother said, "No, this should be enough to get the taste out of my mouth."

Two natives sit in the bar getting shit-faced.

Almost closing time, "Brother, you gonna snag?"

"Yeah, I'm taking her home."

He walks over, she gathers her things. Walking out together, he takes her to his car outback. They stay messing around then start having sex. He starts to get carried away. He looks down at her. She looks up at him and says, "Slow down, cousin, you're going too fast..."

Rachel won the lottery twice in two years. Her friend Jim called her every day asking for tips on winning, just the same. Then one day, simply to get rid of him, Rachel said, "Watch two martial arts movies, eat three pieces of hard beef jerky, and pick a fight at a bar."

Jim replied with a shocked look, "That's what I do after Mr. Tugman shakes my hand too long."