Bar jokes
A black man entered a bar with a parrot on his shoulder.
The bartender says, "That looks exotic, where’d you get it?"
"Africa," the parrot responded.
There were two friends talking one day. Tim tells John, "I think I'm gay."
John says to Tim, "What do you mean?"
Tim says, "When I grow up, I want to dress like a woman and sing karaoke in a bar and call myself (Gillette the best a man can get)!"
John says to Tim, "I think you're right, and thanks for reminding me I need to buy razors."
A Roman went to the bar and he held up two fingers and said, "Can I have five drinks, please?"
A snake walks into the bar... the bartender says, "How the heck did you do that?"
Was drinking in a bar with this girl when I suddenly blacked out. The next morning I received a letter saying they are processing my child benefits application, dafaq? I never had kids.
A man and his friend walk into a bar on a 30-story building and order a drink of beer. Then one of the men jumps out the window and he can fly, so he says to his mate, "Gary, take a sip of this drink, it makes you fly!" So Gary takes a sip of the drink, jumps out the window, and dies. And the bartender says, "Gee, Superman, you're a douche when you drink!"
What happens when a guy is in a pool with a deck and no one is around? The guy has to pee, get up on the deck, and stick it between the bars and pee.
A black man walked into a bar. Another guy invited him over for a drink. They spent the rest of the night drinking and having a good time.
So, I went up to an emo and I said, "Why did you steal my bar code from my chips?"
Why can’t Homer Simpson bring his family into Moe’s Tavern?
Because there’s a bartender in there.
Why do rappers love the gym?
'Cause they're all about them heavy bars.
What is the sun's favorite chocolate bar?
A Milky Way 😱
A skeleton walks into a bar and said it takes "backbone" to mess with me, and if you try to insult me, I have thick skin.
A man walks into a bar, he gets a concussion. After 2 months of recovering, the same man rushes head first into the bar. He goes into a coma. After 2 years, he amazingly wakes up. He then gets in his car and drives into the bar at 70 mph. He dies. Did I mention he was suicidal?
6 Germans walk into a bar... and only three walk out.
So two dudes were at a bar and out of nowhere they hear, "Oi mate, talk to me like that again, I'm gonna shove this stick so far up your ass you'll look like a Popsicle."
What do you call a bar run by Gungans?
Jar Jar Drinks.
My favorite bartender serves drinks so strong, he gives a "get well soon" card with each one of them!
You're so damn ugly that the robbers only go into your house to close the blinds.
A piece of toast and a hard boiled egg walked into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve breakfast here."