A man walks into a bar and orders a cardigan and soke.
Why did the rapper bring a ladder to the studio?
Because he heard the bars were high.
Why did the rapper become a MATH TEACHER?
Because he was good with bars and beats.
Why did the short person bring a ladder to the bar?
Because they heard the drinks were on the house!
Hey, pass me that crowbar, please.
Sure... y’know, before the crowbar was invented, crows had to drink at home.
Why did the rapper go to therapy?
He had too many BARS he couldn't drop
How does a rapper make tea?
He drops some HOT BARS into a cup.
Why did the rapper always carry a map?
Because he was afraid of getting LOST in the BARS.
Why was the rapper so good at math?
Because he could always COUNT his BARS
What did the rapper say to the fridge? (Part 2) “I'm HUNGRY for some BARS!"
Why was the rapper always in shape?
Because he dropped so many BARS, he had to stay fit to pick them up!
Why was the math book sad at the rap battle?
Because it couldn't count the bars!
My brother goes into the bar and says, "Bartender, give me 12 beers and a shot of whiskey." The bartender says, "That's a lot of alcohol." My brother says, "I'm celebrating my first blowjob." The bartender said, "Let me buy you a drink." My brother said, "No, this should be enough to get the taste out of my mouth."
Two natives sit in the bar getting shit-faced.
Almost closing time, "Brother, you gonna snag?"
"Yeah, I'm taking her home."
He walks over, she gathers her things. Walking out together, he takes her to his car outback. They stay messing around then start having sex. He starts to get carried away. He looks down at her. She looks up at him and says, "Slow down, cousin, you're going too fast..."
Rachel won the lottery twice in two years. Her friend Jim called her every day asking for tips on winning, just the same. Then one day, simply to get rid of him, Rachel said, "Watch two martial arts movies, eat three pieces of hard beef jerky, and pick a fight at a bar."
Jim replied with a shocked look, "That's what I do after Mr. Tugman shakes my hand too long."
A man comes to a bar and has a drink. Then his bully came to him and stole his drink. Then the bully asked, "What's wrong?"
The man said that "I'm trying to kill myself. I tried getting hit by a train, but the train went on a different track. Then I tried to jump off a bridge, but I fell on a boat full of pillows. Then I tried to poison myself."
Then the bully says, "Then what?" Then the man replied, "You just drank it." Then the man left.
Why did orphans have to drink their own piss?
Because last time they went to the bar, they went with their dad and drank some Corona, then got drunk and started eating someone's toenails, so his dad went to go get the milk and everybody had to evacuate the bar. Then the orphan started walking on his teeth and got listed for the top ten wanted animals in the world, so then he felt wanted and went to go home and had nobody to go to, so he found the beer bottle he drunk out of and started pissing in it so he wouldn't die and loved it. So then someone saw him in the bushes pissing in a beer bottle then drinking, so the person who saw him started recording and posted it on YouTube, and the boy became famous, so now he can feel like he was wanted in life after daddy went to go get the milk, then the little boy became really rich.
A Middle Eastern man comes to the states to do a stand up show. He starts by saying “2 Jews walk into a bar, NOT IN MY COUNTRY!”
A man walks into a bar and says, "Ouch!"
Applesauce.
