Bar jokes
A drunk walks out of a bar late at night and sees a nun walking past on the footpath. He utters something hateful to himself as he begins running, building momentum before launching himself at the nun, catching her with a massive superman punch to the back of the head, knocking her tumbling brutally to the pavement.
He proceeded with a swift kicking to the nun's ribs and spine before grabbing the nun by the scruff of her habit and lifting her limp to her feet till face to face. Looking the nun dead in her eyes with menace, the drunk victoriously growled, "You're not so bloody tough tonight, are ya, Batman?"
A priest, a minister, a rabbi and an imam walk into a bar.
The bartender looks at them and says, "Is this a joke?"
So a cupcake walks into a bar and sits down. The bartender says to himself, "Damn, this is some good shit."
A Russian walked into a bar... unlucky for him, in Soviet Russia, you don’t walk into bars. Bars walk into you.
Q: Two skeletons walk into a bar. What happens?
A: They fall.
(They walked into a BAR, as in a rod or whatnot.)
Say "I'm a man" after every sentence.
You walk into a bar. (I'm a man.) You find a girl. (I'm a man.) You take her home. (I'm a man.) She whispers in your ear. (I'm a man.)
A priest, a pedo, and a rapist walk into a bar and that's just the first guy.
Two priests are in a bar. One says to the other priest, "I'll swap you two fives for a ten."
Two husbands walk into a bar.
The first one says, "My wife is an angel."
The second one says, "You're lucky, mine is still alive."
What's the difference between an aborted fetus and an upside-down bar stool?
An upside-down bar stool can only pleasure 4 men.
A chicken walks into a bar.
He orders Dr. Pepper.
He then lays a good scrambled egg.
A man walks into a bar, sits down, and asks the bartender for 12 shots of vodka. The bartender asks what the man is celebrating, and said he'll give one shot on the house. The man said, "I'm celebrating my first blowjob. And nah, if 12 shots doesn't get the taste out of my mouth, nothing will."
Three Nazis walk into a bar.
What do you call a bar run by Gungans?
Jar Jar Drinks.
A retard walks into a bar.
Bartender: Hey, retard retard retard retard retard retard retard retard retard retard retard!
Thank you for listening to joke, sincerely - Jokeman87848584
A man walks into a bar with an alligator and a stick. He walks up to the bartender and offers to put on a show for the bar's patrons in exchange for a drink. The bartender agrees, so he pulls down his pants, sticks his dick in the alligator's mouth, and starts whacking it with the stick. After he's done and gets his drink, he asks if anyone else would like a go.
A lady gets up and says yes, she would like a go, asks that he doesn't hit her with the stick.
A grasshopper walks into a bar and sits down. The bartender says, "Hey! We have a drink named after you!" The grasshopper looks confused and says, "Oh really? You have a drink named 'Bob'??"
What is the sun's favorite chocolate bar?
A Milky Way 😱
Three women walk into a bar and start talking about how loose they are. One fits a sausage, another fits a cucumber, the third one slides down the barstool.
A man walked into a bar. No wait, a horse,
A man walked into a horse.