Sacrament jokes

Hey kids, are you ready for Faptisim?

How do you make holy water?

You take it to church ⛪️

Why did the priest invent baptism?

To wash their sex toys.

A nun went to the pub and ordered a gin. The bartender said to her, "I thought nuns weren’t allowed to drink?" and she said, "Not usually, but I am doing the bishop a favor."

The bartender then asked if she was coming to the music evening, and she said, "No, I am with the bishop tonight."

Three nuns had to go before Mother Superior. The first one goes up to her and she says, "Have you sinned?" "Yes, I have, Mother. I have stolen a bicycle." Okay, said Mother Superior. "Say 100 Hail Marys and dip your hand in the holy water." Up comes nun number two and she says she has sinned. "She slept with a married man." So Mother Superior says, "Okay, say 500 Hail Marys and dip your hand in the holy water and go on your way." The third nun comes up and she says, "I peed in the holy water!" 🤣😂🤣😂😁😁🌈

Where do babies get baptized?

So the priest can wash their sex toys.

An LDS preacher knocks on the door with a chalice of wine offering to do the sacrament.

The person living there points and says, "Begone, foul blood-drinker!"

And promptly the preacher bursts into flames, leaving nothing but ash.

Baptism, a chance for the priest to bathe you.

The priest wanted the little boy to touch his cross. The boy said, "It's hard." Then it shot out holy water, and the priest said, "Come again and taste the second cumming of Jesus, lmao."

Do you know you’re supposed to wash your sex toys after you use them?

I guess that’s why Catholics invented baptism.

You know it's so hard to clean my sex toys. Thank you, Jesus, for creating baptism.

Jesus took bread and said, "This is my flesh!" Then he took wine and said, "This is my blood!" Then he took mayonnaise, and Peter said, "Holy shit, now we gotta stop him!"