Bad jokes

If you have a bad day, go tell an orphan to find his parents. He will be searching all day.

Quote of the day:

A bad attitude is like a flat tire. You can't go anywhere until you change it.

Chao!!!

Like my daddy? Too bad you don't have one.

Your hairline is so long that Odell Beckham Jr. missed a catch and saw your hairline from a mile away!

I'd tell a bad baby joke, but I decided to abort.

Bro, you ever think while driving the moped why they call it a footrest when the foot never lets it rest? The foot is working harder than the engine. You push, push, but still go the same speed like a turtle with a bad mood during a rabbit race...

Son to mother: "Mom, all the kids in the school are making fun of me because I am still a virgin."

Mother: "Well, start giving them bad grades, and they will stop."

Roses are red, violets are bl-- oh yeah, I'm bad at jokes.

Why is it okay for a woman to use me when she feels like it, but when I use her body when I feel like it, I am the bad guy?

I work on medicine; my job is to smell it to see if it's bad :)

Nobody knows how bad you smell.

You: What you doing?

I wonder what you’re doing because you’re bad at math, hahahahaha!

Canada is the Keanu Reeves of countries. Too bad the US is the Kanye West of countries instead of the Dolly Parton of countries.

What do you call a blonde girl standing on her hands?

A brunette with bad breath.

Why didn't the opening photo actually have a pic of sex on it? I have always wanted to see porn, too bad I have parents and a school Chromebook.

I was at work and then a little kid came up to me and she said, "What happened to all the parents?" She sounded so confused, so I told her, "It's only yours, kid, they left you on purpose." She cried. I felt bad for a second and thought, oh well, time to get back to my job at the orphanage.

A man walks into a bar and sees a jar full of money, and he asks the bartender what's up with that jar of money.

Bartender says you gotta do 3 tasks. He takes the shot of Jack, and the customer says, "What are the tasks?" He says, "The 1st one is, well the 1st 1 is, I got about a 12' gator in the back that's got a bad tooth, and you gotta pull it." He says, "All right, what's the 2nd 1?" He said, "I got a big old girl upstairs that ain't had no loving in a long time, you gotta make her smile." He takes another shot of Jack. He said, "All right, what's the 3rd 1?" He said, "You see that horse outside, you gotta make him laugh and cry."

Guy goes upstairs, goes out back, comes out to the front, comes back in. The other customer said, "Give him the jar." The guy says, "I took care of that lady's tooth, and I made that alligator smile."

"Well how'd you make the horse laugh?" he said. "Easy, I told him I had a bigger deck then him."

Bartender says, "How did you make him cry?" He said, "Easy, I showed him."

Your hairline is so bad man, I gave your doctor a breathalyzer.

My hemorrhoids are so bad, I’ve had toilet bowls that looked like abortions.

Why did Helen Keller fail school? She was bad at language.