A guy goes in to get some tests done. The doctor comes out and says, "I got good news and bad news." The guy says, "Ok, let's get the bad news out of the way." The doctor says, "The tests came back positive. You got two weeks to live." The guy says, "Oh My God!! Then what the hell is the good news?" Doctor says "You see that nurse over there, the one with the big tits? I'm screwin' her."
Bad Jokes
Why are cheetahs bad at running away? They always get spotted.
Ok, now I'm not good at telling jokes, but this one is not too bad. One cunt said to another cunt, "Do you get cold at night?"
"Fuck no, cunt," the first cunt said, "Why?"
"I have a built-in set of vertical curtains to keep the cold out, cunt!" xx
What do you call two Mexicans having sex? 50 Shades of Brown.
A man and a woman get married. The woman was a retired hooker. The man was a poet.
The man said as they did 69, "You taste better than my most delicious gourmet meal." The woman said, "Well, you aren’t too bad either, but the best 69 I’ve gotten and given was Harry. He did it for 24 hours nonstop." They got divorced that night.
Why was the duck fired from the train station?
He was a bad conducktor!
Why are these jokes bad?
They're literally the worst jokes ever.
What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
Being an orphan isn’t all bad.
On the bright side, all your snacks are family sized.
Ur mom.
Oops my bad! 😬
Why did Hitler's cookies taste bad? He forgot to clean out the oven.
Why is an orphan bad at hide-and-seek?
Because nobody will actually look for them.
Your hairline is so [bad] Will Smith can't slap it back in place.
Did you know the giraffe’s hooves are the size of dinner plates? Too bad they would have nothing to put on them!
Q: How do you see a bad joke?
A: Look in the mirror.
If you have a bad day, go tell an orphan to find his parents. He will be searching all day.
Quote of the day:
A bad attitude is like a flat tire. You can't go anywhere until you change it.
Chao!!!
Like my daddy? Too bad you don't have one.
Your hairline is so long that Odell Beckham Jr. missed a catch and saw your hairline from a mile away!
Why is Jeffrey Epstein so bad at races?
Because he comes in a little behind.
