Bad jokes

Your hairline is so bad, when you look in the mirror, your hairline looks like an endangered species.

So, a bus crashes, killing everyone on the bus, and God feels so bad that He gives each one a wish.

The first person comes up, and she wants to be beautiful, so God makes her beautiful, and she goes into Heaven. The next person comes up, and he says, "I want to be beautiful as well." As this goes on, the last man in the back begins laughing a little, everyone becoming beautiful, until God asked the last person what they want, and he said, "I want everyone in front of me to be ugly again!" So God had to call the based department and gave him everything that last guy wanted.

People say rape is bad. It is because I don't want STD and HIV.

You know what you could use? An orphan as a punching bag.

What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?

So, my mom has hit me with a flip flop when I was bad, and when I cheated on my girl, right when the other girl came in, a flip flop came flying in the room.

A guy goes in to get some tests done. The doctor comes out and says, "I got good news and bad news." The guy says, "Ok, let's get the bad news out of the way." The doctor says, "The tests came back positive. You got two weeks to live." The guy says, "Oh My God!! Then what the hell is the good news?" Doctor says "You see that nurse over there, the one with the big tits? I'm screwin' her."

Why are cheetahs bad at running away? They always get spotted.

Ok, now I'm not good at telling jokes, but this one is not too bad. One cunt said to another cunt, "Do you get cold at night?"

"Fuck no, cunt," the first cunt said, "Why?"

"I have a built-in set of vertical curtains to keep the cold out, cunt!" xx

What do you call two Mexicans having sex? 50 Shades of Brown.

A man and a woman get married. The woman was a retired hooker. The man was a poet.

The man said as they did 69, "You taste better than my most delicious gourmet meal." The woman said, "Well, you aren’t too bad either, but the best 69 I’ve gotten and given was Harry. He did it for 24 hours nonstop." They got divorced that night.

Canada is the Keanu Reeves of countries. Too bad the US is the Kanye West of countries instead of the Dolly Parton of countries.

What do you call a blonde girl standing on her hands?

A brunette with bad breath.

Roses are red, violets are bl-- oh yeah, I'm bad at jokes.

I work on medicine; my job is to smell it to see if it's bad :)

Why is it okay for a woman to use me when she feels like it, but when I use her body when I feel like it, I am the bad guy?

I'd tell a bad baby joke, but I decided to abort.

Bro, you ever think while driving the moped why they call it a footrest when the foot never lets it rest? The foot is working harder than the engine. You push, push, but still go the same speed like a turtle with a bad mood during a rabbit race...

Why did Hitler's cookies taste bad? He forgot to clean out the oven.

Your hairline is so long that Odell Beckham Jr. missed a catch and saw your hairline from a mile away!

Q: How do you see a bad joke?

A: Look in the mirror.