Back jokes
They didn't burn witches back in the day, they burned bitches.
What's the difference between a mother and a father? The mother always comes back from the shop.
How do you get a woman to give head? Force it down her throat and hold the back of her head. Make her gag for a little and then pull out. Do this over and over for 30 seconds or so. If she doesn't open up, choke her and force her mouth open.
Woman aren't human anyways... lol.
An orphan walks into a science lab. The lead scientist greets him and takes him to a DNA testing station. After some procedures, the results come back:
"UNKNOWN"
A man who desperately wanted to be good after serving time in prison was visited by an Angel. "You want to change? You can still enter heaven on two conditions. You must bet on the horses with any money you have and pass your winnings to someone less fortunate, and you must never hold on to any beef." The Angel then disappeared.
The man did as was told and became generous and kind. As he emerged from the betting office with all his money, he would pass every penny of it all to a deserving person each and every time.
He, however, couldn't seem to avoid meat and would still eat it no matter what.
When he died, the Angel came back for him.
"But I'm undeserving; I can't come with you," he said.
"Yes, you can," replied the Angel, "you gave all your stake (steak) away."
So there's a little girl playing hopscotch at the front of her house while her mother hangs up the washing and her father mows the lawn. She says, "Step on a crack and you break your mother's back." The father laughs, until his daughter steps on a crack resulting in her mother's back breaking.
The little girl's father looks in terror, she then says, "Step on a line and you break your father's spine." The father closes his eyes waiting for his spine to break, but nothing happens. When he opens his eyes again he sees that he is ok, and nothing has happened to him. Suddenly he hears someone yell out "OW MY SPINE!" The father runs around the corner to see the mailman laying on the floor.
Your hairline is so far back that I didn’t know you had a hairline.
A drunk guy is showing friends his new apartment.
The last stop is the bedroom, where a big brass gong sits next to the bed.
"What's that gong for?" the friend asks him.
"It's not a gong," the drunk replies. "It's a talking clock."
"How does it work?"
The guy picks up a hammer, gives the gong an ear-shattering pound, and steps back.
Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screams, "For God's sake, you asshole, it's 3:30 in the god damn morning!"
Your hairline's so far back that Dora the Explorer can't explore it!
I got my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday. He came back a week later and said it was the most violent book he’s ever read.
Your hairline goes so far back that even God said, "I learned about it in my days."
I went to a gun shop yesterday. Everything was half off. I didn't know that back to school sales have begun.
What's strong enough for a man but made for a woman?
The back of my hand.
My girlfriend broke up with me, so I stole her wheelchair. Guess who came crawling back!
Hello everyone! I just came back! How are things going?
22. Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
24. When does a joke become a dad joke? When it leaves you and never comes back.
31. My grandfather said my generation relies too much on the latest technology. So I unplugged his life support.
My attitude doesn't have to be the only reason I yell and roll my eyes in the back of my head.
I told my doctor I was experiencing some back pain. He told me to smoke some weed because I had chronic back pain.
Are your hairline and forehead old friends, because they go way back?
10 years ago my dad went to get milk. He said when he got back, he was going to tell me a joke. That joke better be worth it!