Back jokes
Kid: Aye, Mum, I'mma do something Dad could never do.
Mum: And that is?
*Kid walks out.*
*Kid comes back in with milk.*
Mum: I'mma beat ya ass!
Today, me and my best friend went to the Grand Canyon. He was taking up all the space by the edge, and I told him to back up. R.I.P. to him.
My girlfriend dumped me, so I stole her wheelchair and guess who came crawling back!
What’s the favorite song of someone with an Oedipus Complex?
“My Mommy Comes Back”
Your hairline and my car go Lighting McQueen speed because he never came back with the milk.
Why wasn’t the orphan able to finish his cereal?
His parents never brought back the milk.
What's worse than a dead baby?
A pile of dead babies.
What's worse than that?
One's alive at the bottom.
What's even worse than THAT?
It eats it's way out.
Wait it gets worse...
It goes back for seconds.
Just one more I swear...
It fucks one of it's siblings at the bottom.
Why did he go to the chiropractors?
To get his spine fixed.
Hello everyone! I just came back! How are things going?
Little Johnny was alone because Dad didn’t come back.
Today I donated my watch, phone, and $500 to a poor guy.
You wouldn’t believe the happiness I felt as he slid the pistol back into his pocket.
Why do orphans have water with their cereal?
Because the dad never came back with the milk.
My favorite film is The Hunchback of Notre Dame.
I love a protagonist with a twisted back story.
I can't decide if I like rocking chairs or not.
I keep going back and forth on them.
I broke up with my boyfriend and stole his wheelchair.
Guess who came crawling back?
I was walking down the streets with my parents and my sister. My mum said, "Step on a crack, break your mother's back." I stepped on a crack. My sister has been in the hospital ever since.
Mom: It's time for sleep.
Baby: Is that what you think, huh?
Mom: *gives baby pacifier*
Baby: Nice try, hobo.
Mom: Well, I'll come back later to see if he's gone asleep.
*few hours later*
Baby: *still awake*
Mom: Why IS HE NOT ASLEEP?!
Baby: Lol, I told you nice try haha.
Family are together playing charades.
Me: "50 Shades of Grey!" Yes, I'm so good at charades! Put your shirt back on, Nan!
"Give me 5 cents and I’ll grant you a wish."
Ok.
"Thank you, what is your wish?"
I wish for my 5 cents back.
So an orphan goes to the store and gets a bunch of cartons of milk.
The cashier goes, "Woah, why so much?"
The orphan goes, "My dad never came back with the milk, so, well, here we are!"