Baby Jokes


What is worse than a baby spinning at a hundred miles per hour on a washing line?

Hitting it off with a cricket bat

in Orphan

I don’t get this why is it I go to an orphanage and all of a sudden they said I used to be the cutest baby there.

Why is Johnson’s baby shampoo the best Lubricant for anal sex?

-No more tears.


Lucas is a baby a little girl ooo


Your mum is a baby huh not little baby


Alabama. Every time there’s a family reunion a baby is born 9 months later.

in Dead Baby

I used to have a son. But he died the same way Eric Clapton’s son died. For inspiration.

in Dead Baby

One late night, my wife caught me standing in front of the freezer.

She asked me, “What are you doing?”

I replied “I’m making a pink yeti.”

She asked “What does that mean?”

I said “I left our kid in the freezer for a couple hours.”


What’s the difference between a baby and an onion?

I cry peeling Onions!

Bob White

What’s the difference between peanut butter and a dead baby? Dogs only lick peanut butter off private parts.


A Chinese couple had a black baby and named him Sum Ting Wong.

Daddy's big p.... is inside me AH~! AH~!

i went to the store because i ha to go to school to run up downstairs because my phone started calling me because i was playing mario kart on my kitchen sink’s baby grandma lik if yu creyre everitime


Welcome to arbys, where your babies become our gravy!


Yep f someone says to you” I can’t roast trash” say well some trash is used for recycling, and that is why you have a baby brother

in Breast

If your baby can unhook your bra, is it time to stop breastfeeding?

in Dead Baby

I made a joke about putting babies in the microwave and got told I was a disgusting person. So from now on I’ll only make baby in the deep fryer jokes.

in Old Lady

You are stupid you can’t even ride a baby pony

What’s the difference between an onion and a baby? I only tear up cutting the onion

Anus Hertz

Whats worse then ten dead babies in a dumpster, One dead in ten trash cans…lol