New Baby Jokes - Page 30 - Worst Jokes Ever

What's the difference between having sex with my girlfriend and a baby?

I don't have a girlfriend.

What's the difference between 13 dead babies and a skeleton?

There aren't any, there's 13 skeletons in my closet.

My wife and I were at the park with our little princess today.

We decided to go back home, then some jerk had the nerve to shout, "Stop those two! They have my daughter!"

What bumps up and down at 100km an hour?

A baby tied to the back of a speeding truck.

What goes 100mph and bounces up and down? A baby tied to the back of a truck.

I was in my car listening to my radio. Steve Winwood's song came on, "Just Roll With It, Baby." I said that must be one of Stephen Hawking's favorite songs; he sings it to his girlfriend.

What’s a sheep’s favorite song?

"Baby Don’t Herd Me."

What is a baby's favorite song?

"Baby" by Justin Bieber.

What's the difference between a skeleton and a baby? I don't set the skeleton on fire.

What's worse than 10 babies in a truck?

One baby in 10 trucks.

What’s the difference between a Ferrari and a sack of dead babies?

I don’t have a Ferrari in my garage.

Sometimes, I think back on all the mistakes I've ever made.

Then I realize, "My daughter isn't THAT bad..."

My daughter is the most adorable little girl in the world. She's got my sister's eyes.

What does Kylie Jenner feed her baby? Plastic MILK! LOL

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to the man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!" The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."

What is the difference between Sir Isaac Newton and the baby I just stabbed?

Sir Isaac Newton died a virgin.

The first priest asks the second, "How long do we keep the babies in the holy water?" The priest replies, "No clue... I close my eyes when I masturbate!"

What do you call a baby with red curry fried hair?

A baby using a potato peeler and a comb.

Your mama is so fat that she doesn't get crushed by cars, she crushes cars and babies in strollers on the sidewalk when she falls and doesn't see any remains, so there is no evidence.