Baby jokes
What's worse than 2 dead babies in a trash bin? Two babies in one trash bin.
What is worse to have - a dead baby or a dead Santa Claus?
Santa. You need extra freezers for reindeer.
Q: What is the difference between a pizza and a baby?
A: The pizza does not scream when you put it in the oven.
Have you ever seen a baby unicorn? No! Because unicorns are gay rainbows in equine form.
What happens when you bring a paedophile to a baby's birthday party?
You will have even more birthday parties to go to.
When Chinese babies are born, they should put "MADE FROM CHINA."
What do you call a baby that came out of their mother's womb? A virgin.
What's better than swinging a baby around on a rope?
Stopping it with a shovel.
what's the difference between a baby and a trampoline? the trampoline doesn't cave in when i jump on it.
Q: Why did the baby cross the road?
A: It wasn't in its car seat.
What's meaner than taking candy from a baby?
Throwing the baby off a cliff.
What's the difference between $1 million and baby teeth?
I don't have $1 million in my wallet.
What do you call a baby in an elevator?
Lubrication.
What is the best way to catch a baby from falling off the roof?
With a pitchfork.
What is the difference between a refrigerator and a baby?
The refrigerator doesn't cry when I put my meat in it.
How do you stop a baby from drowning?
Take your foot off its head.
Baby > commits start breathing.
Mom > commits abort.
Baby > commits ohshit.exe
What's better than a pile of dead babies?
One that's alive in the middle that has to eat its way out.
Little Jonny walks in on his parents having sex. He asks what they're doing and the father says: "Well...we're making you a brother." So little Jonny runs off to let his parents finish, happy that he's going to have a brother soon.
The next day when little Jonny's father comes home, Jonny is crying out on the driveway. The father sits down next to Jonny and asks what's wrong. Jonny cries: "I won't have a baby brother!" His father is confused. "What do you mean?" he asks. "Because the mailman came by today and ate him!"
Most people smother babies with love.
I smother them with pillows.