Baby

Baby jokes

Add joke

Sometimes, I think back on all the mistakes I've ever made.

Then I realize, "My daughter isn't THAT bad..."

My daughter is the most adorable little girl in the world. She's got my sister's eyes.

  • 4

    • A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to the man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!" The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."

  • 4

    • What is the difference between Sir Isaac Newton and the baby I just stabbed?

    Sir Isaac Newton died a virgin.

  • 1

    • The first priest asks the second, "How long do we keep the babies in the holy water?" The priest replies, "No clue... I close my eyes when I masturbate!"

  • 0

    • What do you call a baby with red curry fried hair?

    A baby using a potato peeler and a comb.

    Your mama is so fat that she doesn't get crushed by cars, she crushes cars and babies in strollers on the sidewalk when she falls and doesn't see any remains, so there is no evidence.

    Why did Mozart kill all his chickens?

    Because when he asked them who the best composer was, they all said, "Bach, Bach, Bach!"

    There is only one thing I have to give my enemies.

    A bucket full of dead baby heads and semen so they can replenish their spawn.

    What sits in the corner and gets smaller and smaller? A baby with a potato peeler.

    The secret to dark humor is the delivery... oh wait, the baby was stillborn.

  • 3

    • How do you know your baby is dead?

    It stopped screaming after not feeding the bastard for a month.

    Babies can spread a nasty smell,

    especially when you haven't fed them for a month.

  • 3