Baby jokes
Most people smother babies with love.
I smother them with pillows.
Q: Why did the baby cross the road? A: It was stapled to the chicken.
Q: Why did the Koala fall out of the tree? A: Because it was dead.
Q: Why did the baby fall out of the tree? A: Because it was stapled to the koala.
Q: Why did the tree fall over? A: The koala never let go.
Q: Why did the kangaroo die? A: Because the koala landed on it.
What's yellow and can't swim?
A school bus full of dead babies.
What's black and red and goes 90 miles an hour? A baby in a blender!
Q: How do you get 10 babies in a trashcan?
A: With a blender.
Q: How do you get them out?
A: Chips.
What do Indian hip hop artists eat?
Rice rice baby.
What's worse than finding 10 babies in 10 dumpsters?
Finding 1 baby in 10 dumpsters.
What's the difference between a dump truck of dead babies and a Ferrari?
I don't own a Ferrari.
Butthole.
"Dick me down shorts."
What's the difference between having sex with my girlfriend and a baby?
I don't have a girlfriend.
What's the difference between 13 dead babies and a skeleton?
There aren't any, there's 13 skeletons in my closet.
My wife and I were at the park with our little princess today.
We decided to go back home, then some jerk had the nerve to shout, "Stop those two! They have my daughter!"
What bumps up and down at 100km an hour?
A baby tied to the back of a speeding truck.
What goes 100mph and bounces up and down? A baby tied to the back of a truck.
I was in my car listening to my radio. Steve Winwood's song came on, "Just Roll With It, Baby." I said that must be one of Stephen Hawking's favorite songs; he sings it to his girlfriend.
What’s a sheep’s favorite song?
"Baby Don’t Herd Me."
What is a baby's favorite song?
"Baby" by Justin Bieber.
What's the difference between a skeleton and a baby? I don't set the skeleton on fire.
What's worse than 10 babies in a truck?
One baby in 10 trucks.