Why did the United Nations stop the French government from using the guillotine in public?
Because the French government was using the guillotine on newborn babies for circumcision.
So, one day I was walking home from school with my best friend, Sally. She was worried to get home because she was going to tell her mom that Bob, the class rep, got her pregnant eight months ago, and now it was obvious she was pregnant. So I said, “Sally, it’ll be okay, I’m sure she’ll be happy to get a grandson.” “Yeah, thanks, Suzy,” she said to me, then went into her house.
The next few weeks she didn’t show up to school, so I was like, oh, she must be in trouble with her mom. I’ll go check on her.
So I walk up to her house and her mom answers with a baby boy in her hands. “Oh, hello. Is that Sally’s son?!! Can I see Sally?” Her mom says sure, and I go inside, but she leads me to the backyard and I see a tombstone. “Here lies Sally 2004-2020.” So I ask her mom in tears, “Oh, did she not make it through the birth?” And her mom replied, “You could say that...”
Straight people ask why gays have such a good fashion sense. Baby, we didn’t spend all that time in the closet for nothing.
You know a piranha can devour a small child in 30 seconds. Anyway, I lost my job at the aquarium today.
Knob Klondike, I want Ellen. Poobiess, please. I want big juicy pobs in me right now. Ellen girl, give milk boob to me with good Pochyy, babie.
how do Asians name their babies? They throw pots and pans around ‘Ching, Chang, Clang’
What’s red and goes 100 miles per hour
~babies in a blender 😌
What do you call a baby potato?
Small fry!
How do I feed the baby with my pants on?
I was going to tell a joke about babies, but I decided to abort.
What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
One day, a leaf asks Mom, "Mom, why am I named Leaf?"
Mom says, "Because when you were a baby, a leaf fell on your head."
The next day, Feather asks Mom, "Mommy, why am I named Feather?"
Mom says, "When you were a baby, a feather fell on your head."
The next day, Brick asks Mom, "Rhsisvrkanx!"
Mom says, "Shut up, Brick!"
What's the difference between a million dollars and a million dead babies?
I don't have a million dollars laying around my house.
Baby 🍼
What's the difference between Jesus and a dead, naked baby.
I don't worship Jesus.
What time is it when you can smell smoke inside?
Time to get outside!
If olive oil is made of olives, then baby oil is made of...
What time do babies get dirty?
Playtime.
Why are lamps so scared? Because someone might throw them away.
Why do dead babies cry? Just kidding, they are dead.
