Aviation Jokes

Why does the army take orphans as fighter jet pilots?

Because homing missiles don’t work on them.

Best friend makes joke about 9/11.

Me: My pop was a part of that!

Best friend: So sorry!

Me: My pop was the pilot of the plane, he flew through 89 floors.

Why did the terrorist masturbate and smoke weed on the plane?

He was told to high-jack it.

What do you call a Flying Pilot?

He pee on the plane.

What do you call a squirrel that flies? A flying squirrel.

Why couldn't an orphan use a fighter jet?

Because he couldn't use the homing missiles.

What do you call a Flying Pilot? Because he can go pee on the plane!

What do you call a flying Aboriginal?

Boong 747.

Plane crash in China... pilots names released in the incident are as follows:

Sum Ting Wong.

Wei Toh Low.

Ho Lee Fuk.

Ban Din Ouch.

At 5 years old, I already knew how to throw paper airplanes thanks to my Arabian relatives!

I made this one up myself just now.

Stephen Hawking would be a good pilot because the aircraft would be the first to take off and land in autopilot.

"That plane lookin kinda low."

Yeah, I keep telling everyone 9/11 jokes, but they all just crash and burn.

You know the song "Getting Drunk on a Plane"? It was written by the pilot of the Lingard Skinner pilot.

A blind pilot walks into a plane waving his walking stick.

The passengers all look at each other in disbelief. The flight attendant gets on the PA and says,

"Ladies and gentlemen, as you can see, the captain is legally blind, but rest assured, he is one of the best pilots in the world with over six thousand successful flights."

Next the co-pilot makes his way to the plane, and he is also blind and uses his walking stick to make it to the cabin.

The flight attendant gets on the PA and says,

"Ladies and gentlemen, as you can see, the co-pilot is also blind, but rest assured, he is the second-best pilot in the world with over five thousand successful flights."

At this point, the plane begins to take off from the runway. As it gains speed, the passengers grow tenser. The plane keeps accelerating more and more, and as it approaches the end of the runway, it still hasn't left the ground. The plane is approaching the end of the runway at high speed, and the passengers scream, "Oh my God, we're all going to die!"

Suddenly, the plane takes off and begins its ascent.

The pilot turns to the co-pilot and says, "The day they stop screaming, we're screwed."

People often ask me what I would do for a Klondike bar. Well, I'd straight up put 5 hijackers on Flight 175 before it departed from Logan Airport at 8:14 a.m. on September 11, 2001.