Ate jokes
Did you hear about the cat that ate a lemon? Now it's a sourpuss.
What's great about having sex with twenty-eight year olds?
There's ate of them.
Yo momma is so hungry that she ate your peanuts!
A guy ate your hairline because it reminded him of a McDonald's fry!
I once ate a watch. It was time consuming.
Little Jonny walks in on his parents having sex. He asks what they're doing and the father says: "Well...we're making you a brother." So little Jonny runs off to let his parents finish, happy that he's going to have a brother soon.
The next day when little Jonny's father comes home, Jonny is crying out on the driveway. The father sits down next to Jonny and asks what's wrong. Jonny cries: "I won't have a baby brother!" His father is confused. "What do you mean?" he asks. "Because the mailman came by today and ate him!"
A man once ate the left side of a person. One guy watching asked if the guy he was eating was okay. The man eating him said, "No... it's okay, he's all right now."
After the school shooting, Joe pretended to be a victim while his sister ate the flesh of the fallen.
Q: Why is China so bad at baseball?
A: They already ate the bat.
I was going to give my wife chocolates, but my fat friends ate them.
Wife: "You don't even have friends!"
It turns out a major new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys.
It’s true. I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.
I'm still wondering who took Jesus' sandals.
Even the one who ate that dove that sat at Jesus' shoulder. 🤔
Why was 2 afraid of 1?
Because 7 ate 9.
Hey dude, can you spell IHOP?
Sure, man. I. H. O. P.
Wait, you ate my pee!!!
Why was 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7 broke into a daycare and ate 12 children before burning the building down.
I said I ate an apple because I was hungry.
Yesterday in my dream I ate a ten pound marshmallow, when I woke up, my pillow was gone.
What's the difference between my wife and her sisters?
Her sisters ate hotter, and I married the grenade.
Why did the orphan have an empty bowl?
Because they already ate their supper.
I ate a baby, it tasted like baby.