Astronomy jokes
Sir William Herschel discovered Uranus in 1781, 200 years before you were born. How did he do that?
All I can see when I pass Saturn is Uranus because it's so big.
Why did the cow go to space? To go to the moon.
What’s the length difference between your hairline and Saturn? Nothing.
So here's Uranus, where's my anus?
Yo mama so fat, she went to the moon without leaving Earth.
Did you hear about the restaurant they're putting on the moon?
Good food, but no atmosphere.
Well, if Stephen Hawking likes black holes so much, why did he call security when I put my hole on his face?
What does Mars like to eat?
A Mars bar!
What music do Astronauts listen to?
Nep-tunes.
Why did the doctor check out Earth?
He had a tummy quake.
Why is there a hole in Uranus?
Where would an astronaut park his spaceship? A parking meteor.
Where do otters come from? Otter space.
Does that neverending forehead of yours go all the way to Mars, holy fucking shit?
Patient to doctor: "Will I be ok, Doc?"
Doctor: "I doubt it. Mercury is in Uranus now."
Patient: "I don't do that astrology stuff."
Doctor: "Nor me. My thermometer just broke."
I'm no astronomer, but I’m pretty sure the Earth revolves around the sun... not you.
What was the first animal in space?
The cow that jumped over the moon!
Sun: Hi, I am the sun! I want to warm you up......
Human: :D
Sun: I want to BuRn you.........
Human: .......
Sun: I want to...... KILL...... you.....
Human: I should be going now.
Sun: LET ME KILL YOU!
Human: *Screams his last sound*
Why did the rapper bring a telescope to the studio?
To see his FUTURE in the STARS.