what is humble holy and helps? an angle...
I'm at school and this website isn't blocked and I need help on who did 9/11?
EXPERIMENT SUCCESSFUL 😱😱 Scientists have created an element named Pessomium 😳😳 Characteristics: -Highly reactive only in Bolivia and Panama 😡🤬 -Turns invisible when in Brazil or Uruguay 🥵🤧 -Finished 😹🤕 -0 protons 0 electrons 0 goals 0 assists 7 debuts 🥶
So little Johnny was waking to the bath room and he said grandma said why is the blood coming out of your ###😥 I need to call help
A shop assistant is helping a little boy who can't find his mum in the supermarket.
He asks the boy "what's she like?'"
The boy says "Big Cocks and vodka"
So why don’t blind people go sky diving? It scares the hell out of their seeing eye dog.
When does a blind person know when he’s about to hit the ground? The leash goes slack.
Hi my sweet friends! This is for everyone who needs help right now :)
Why didn't Trump help someone who can't walk?
He thinks she should stand up for herself
I called the rape advice line last night. Turns out it's just for victims.
After work, I volunteer to help blind children. Verb, not adjective.
hey ummm help
If someone calls you, reply with this “Hi this is Dave’s orphanage and pizzeria, where yesterday’s loss is today’s sauce! How may I assist you today?
Hi, welcome to David’s sperm bank. You jack it, we pack it. How may I help you?
This man walks into a bar and says... "how do i get service here." The assistant bar attendent tells him him to take a seat as the bar tender will be there to serve him shortly. After 2 minutes the man says this is ridiculous that he has to wait. The assistant then offers him a bar snack of free nuts which the man duly eats. Another 2 minutes goes buy and the man then says ok i get it no service of beer but free nuts to which the assistant says hell no the game starts in 10 minutes. Everyone laughs and claps.
All my jokes are cries for help.
INCLUDING THIS ONE.
tech administrator of a school: hm, a message from google security? tech administrator of a school: OH SHIT! assistant: WHAT, WHAT, TELL ME? tech administrator of a school: WEVE BEEN COMPROMISED, WE FORGOT TO SECURE THE SITE! assistant: OK, OK, THE KEY IS NOT TO PANIC... let's call the school board
A FEW MOMENTS LATER
head of school board: HAHAHAHAHAHA! that's a good one, almost as good as the one with jack, jill, and the ripped condom! HAHAHAHAHAHA tech administrator of a school: HAHAHA yeah I know right *whispers* you are playing it cool, right? head of school board: *whispers* yeah were fucked...
TWO HOURS LATER
important fat people in one room: OH FUCK OH NO, HELP PLEASE!!!!! WAIT, HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO TELL THE PARENTS ABOUT THEIR STOLEN INFORMATION!!!
AND SO THAT WAS THE BIRTH OF RIOTING TEACHER
Good afternoon. My name is Russell. And I am a wilderness explorer of Tribe 54, Sweat Lodge 12. Are you in need of any assistance today, sir?
Brother: "I can hear you using the vibrator every night, I’m right here if you need help."
Sister: "That’s my f***ing electric toothbrush!"
Brother: "Oh, well the offer still stands."
Today at the bank, an old lady asked me to help check her balance. So I pushed her over.
Walked out of the electronic store and saw a midget carrying a big screen TV all by him self and he looked like he needed a hand so i offered to help, he said this is not a big screen TV its a Kindle!!
