Assistance jokes
What time is it when you say I can’t walk anymore? Time to get a wheelchair 🦼.
Disabled people can help the world to get a printed copy of "Leaning Tower of Pisa," exactly leaned at an angle.
What is a great 👍 for?
Fun.
What is a guide dog 🐶 that cannot walk? A useless guide 🐶.
Today at the bank, an old lady asked me to help check her balance. So I pushed her over.
I wasn’t understanding what I had to do for homework, so my teacher said, “Let me break it down for you like the Twin Towers.”
Tech administrator of a school: Hm, a message from Google security?
Tech administrator of a school: OH SHIT!
Assistant: WHAT, WHAT, TELL ME?
Tech administrator of a school: WE'VE BEEN COMPROMISED, WE FORGOT TO SECURE THE SITE!
Assistant: OK, OK, THE KEY IS NOT TO PANIC... let's call the school board.
A FEW MOMENTS LATER
Head of school board: HAHAHAHAHAHA! That's a good one, almost as good as the one with Jack, Jill, and the ripped condom! HAHAHAHAHAHA
Tech administrator of a school: HAHAHA yeah I know right *whispers* you are playing it cool, right?
Head of school board: *whispers* yeah we're fucked...
TWO HOURS LATER
Important fat people in one room: OH FUCK OH NO, HELP PLEASE!!!!! WAIT, HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO TELL THE PARENTS ABOUT THEIR STOLEN INFORMATION!!!
AND SO THAT WAS THE BIRTH OF RIOTING TEACHER
Good afternoon. My name is Russell, and I am a wilderness explorer of Tribe 54, Sweat Lodge 12. Are you in need of any assistance today, sir?
What part of a vegetable can't you eat?
The wheelchair.
Brother: "I can hear you using the vibrator every night, I’m right here if you need help."
Sister: "That’s my f***ing electric toothbrush!"
Brother: "Oh, well the offer still stands."
What dog can’t see a dog that’s blind?
Someone raped my ear, now I have hearing aids.
My friend and I were walking down the street, and we saw this one disabled kid getting bullied by three other kids. Urgently, we sprinted over to help. He had no chance against the five of us.
Why don't they put petals on wheelchairs so when our arms get tired, we just use our legs?
Why don't wheelchairs have pedals, so when their arms get tired, they can keep going with their feet?
I get more care packages than Africa.
Today at the bank, an old lady asked me to help check her balance. So I pushed her over.
I walked out of the electronic store and saw a midget carrying a big screen TV all by himself. He looked like he needed a hand, so I offered to help.
He said, "This is not a big screen TV, it's a Kindle!!"
I saw a person raping a woman in an alleyway. I decided to help...she doesn't stand a chance between us.
I am throwing a party in space. Can you help me planet?