Assistance jokes

I get more care packages than Africa.

Today at the bank, an old lady asked me to help check her balance. So I pushed her over.

I walked out of the electronic store and saw a midget carrying a big screen TV all by himself. He looked like he needed a hand, so I offered to help.

He said, "This is not a big screen TV, it's a Kindle!!"

I am throwing a party in space. Can you help me planet?

What's the hardest part about eating a vegetable?

The wheelchair.

What did the gay guy say to his boyfriend before leaving to go on vacation?

"Do you need help packing your shit?"

Liam Gallagher went into a café for a cup of tea. The assistant asked him if "he wanted a roll with it."

Why did the carrot roll down the hill?

Because he couldn't stop his wheelchair.