Assistance jokes
I get more care packages than Africa.
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Today at the bank, an old lady asked me to help check her balance. So I pushed her over.
I walked out of the electronic store and saw a midget carrying a big screen TV all by himself. He looked like he needed a hand, so I offered to help.
He said, "This is not a big screen TV, it's a Kindle!!"
I am throwing a party in space. Can you help me planet?
What's the hardest part about eating a vegetable?
The wheelchair.
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What did the gay guy say to his boyfriend before leaving to go on vacation?
"Do you need help packing your shit?"
Liam Gallagher went into a café for a cup of tea. The assistant asked him if "he wanted a roll with it."
Why did the carrot roll down the hill?
Because he couldn't stop his wheelchair.