Ass jokes
My screen lock is my favorite picture of my wife. When I'm on a 14-hour shift, being miserable, hating my life... I pull out my phone and gaze at the picture of my wife. Then I realize it's better here than at home with her ass.
"If your enemy is kicking your ass, blame it on the lag."
-- Sun Tzu, The Art of War
What do you call a rabbit with a big ass?
A BUNny.
Kylin likes to eat Violet's ass.
Jordan, you stupid ass! Addison never bothered you so leave her the FUCK alone! How about this? Get up, go outside, stop being a jackass, and get a fucking life!
Memes
How to harass? Say it out loud but slowly. Split that word into, and it sounds like "her ass."
TJ's hairline is so far back his friends don't even want to talk to his ugly ass!
Who's in my ass?
Your sister.
His gay ass dad.
Your momma's so fat, when she pulls her knickers down, her ass is still in them.
It is a known fact that you cannot say “harassment” without “her ass.”
I guess you could say, “harassment something.”
What do you call a Gary Dinosaur?
A mega-sore-ass.
Why does new pavement smell like butt?
In other words you can also call it asphalt.
Ass-phalt.
"Stupid ass baby."
If all women disappeared one day, it would be a pain in the ass.
Is their [there] a doctor anywhere?
My mom has a few problems & those problems is [are] that my mom has big tits, fat ass & sweet pussy that needs attention. Help anyone.
Your mom's ass is so petite and big, I'd pound that till the Earth shakes.
The Stigg and his fake ass life.
One day Little Johnny saw his grandpa smoking a cigar. Johnny said, "Can I have a puff?"
Grandpa said, "Can your dick touch your ass?"
Johnny said, "No, then that's your answer."
Later that day, Johnny saw his grandpa drinking a drink. Johnny said, "Can I have a sip?"
Grandpa said the same thing, "Can your dick touch your ass?"
Johnny said, "No, then that's your answer."
Later that night, Johnny was eating some cookies in the kitchen. Grandpa said, "Hi son, can I have a cookie?"
Johnny said, "Can your dick touch your ass?"
Grandpa said, "Yes."
Johnny said, "Good, go fuck yourself!"
Little Johnny is watching his dad shave one morning, and his dad was making a lot of mistakes. Suddenly, his dad screams, "Bitches and asses!" Johnny asks what it meant, and his dad replied, "Aunts and uncles." Oh.
Next thing he hears is, “Dicks and pussies!” Johnny asks, "What's that mean?" To which his dad replied, "Uh, coats and hats." Oh. Next thing he knows, he sees his dad jumping around the bathroom yelling, "Fucking, fuck, fuck, FUCK!" "What does that mean, Dad?" And his dad yells, "Cut Johnny, it means cut!!!" Oh.
Next week is Thanksgiving, and the doorbell rings. Johnny answers it and says, "Hey, bitches and asses, hang your dicks and pussies here, Dad's in the kitchen fucking the turkey."