Ass jokes

If Selena Gomez wasn't really single after Justin Bieber dumped her, I would wait for her to come by my house, take her fine ass in my room, close my door, and give her some sex medicine until she masturbates.

I was camping with my buddy, and there was a fire. We were roasting marshmallows, and there was a vine. I tripped on it and went penis first into the fire, and I said, "Well, there goes your children, stupid ass!"

I was riding my bike down the road!

When a car started coming, I started running.

It put me in a crash with my elbow through my ass! ;)

How do you surprise a 50-year-old man? By putting a 12-inch dick through his ass.

He said, "Best surprise ever!"

Clarm chin ass bou ducky wack wakaka chuck chuyli bingbong DA sauec.

Why do asses make the best detectives?

They always crack the case!

Why does rapboat like underage girls? Cos grown ass girls are too clever for him.

What's the difference between a cop and bacon?

Bacon is full of fat and makes you feel good. A cop is full of shit and will make you feel their hot steamy cock as they ram it up your ass with some justice sprinkled on top.

I got barred from Weight Watchers today.

It wasn't my fault; it was the fat ass next to me who spilled her box of Maltesers onto the floor in the middle of the room. All I did was say that it was the funniest game of Hungry Hungry Hippos that I have ever seen.

You're so skinny, you probably wipe your ass with floss.

Friends, who's your barber? They mess up big time.

Me.

You're just jealous because my dad cuts my hair for free, and you have to be paying 30 dollars just for that short-ass cut.

Does it make me gay if I kiss your dad and he decides to drill my ass?

"Deznuts up your ass."

Capital Extra is a radio station!

Capital Extra is Ashley's dead ass!

10 dicks up your mom's ass!

My wife told me to pass her some chapstick, but then I realized she hasn’t talked to me in a month, then remembering I gave her super glue.........ehh I’m done with her big ass mouth.

Yo mama's ass is mad crusty!

What are two things you could call a fart?

"Gas from the ass" or "Odor from the motor!"

My friend and I were playing Poker... And my friend also beat me with Jackass.

My dog got stuck in my ass, help!