Ass jokes

If Selena Gomez wasn't really single after Justin Bieber dumped her, I would wait for her to come by my house, take her fine ass in my room, close my door, and give her some sex medicine until she masturbates.

I was camping with my buddy, and there was a fire. We were roasting marshmallows, and there was a vine. I tripped on it and went penis first into the fire, and I said, "Well, there goes your children, stupid ass!"

What do you get when you throw a pebble in the ocean?

A wet pebble.

Why do asses make the best detectives?

They always crack the case!

Why does rapboat like underage girls? Cos grown ass girls are too clever for him.

You're so skinny, you probably wipe your ass with floss.

I got barred from Weight Watchers today.

It wasn't my fault; it was the fat ass next to me who spilled her box of Maltesers onto the floor in the middle of the room. All I did was say that it was the funniest game of Hungry Hungry Hippos that I have ever seen.

My wife told me to pass her some chapstick, but then I realized she hasn’t talked to me in a month, then remembering I gave her super glue.........ehh I’m done with her big ass mouth.

Friends, who's your barber? They mess up big time.

Me.

You're just jealous because my dad cuts my hair for free, and you have to be paying 30 dollars just for that short-ass cut.

Does it make me gay if I kiss your dad and he decides to drill my ass?

"Deznuts up your ass."

Capital Extra is a radio station!

Capital Extra is Ashley's dead ass!

Yo mama's ass is mad crusty!

What are two things you could call a fart?

"Gas from the ass" or "Odor from the motor!"

My friend and I were playing Poker... And my friend also beat me with Jackass.

How much cum does a gay guy have?

An ass loaded.

I used to be an adventurer like you, then I took a dick in the ass.

My dog got stuck in my ass, help!

The holy water in this church is of the highest quality: it has been assed by the bishop.

10 dicks up your mom's ass!