Ass jokes

What do you call anal rape?

Ass cream.

What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?

Wipe his ass.

Women have ass and tits... but men have dick and rights.

What do my mom and a basketball have in common?

My mom's tits and ass are bouncy, just like a basketball.

Jack and Jill went up the hill.

Jack fell down, his ass was bound, and Jill continued up the hill.

Jack came back and beat Jill's back, and he got the ultimate kill.

I tried to eat ass once. The donkeys got one hell of a kick!

Jesus saved me from eternal fate, but I didn't want to get saved. I was about to fight Satan on Final Destination before facing and kicking God's ass.

Is your ass jealous of the shit that came out of your fucking mouth?

My dumb ass thinking I made a friend, oh ya, I forgot, literally nobody likes me!

One day, I put a lady taffy on my ass.

How does a blind person wipe their ass?

With braille toilet paper.

Fila is a cool brand. I fill a cock in my ass.

Three Europeans head to an island. They are captured by the island people. They are going to kill them, and they plead. They grant them a chance to live. The island people tell them to grab a fruit from the tribe's garden and bring it back, then to follow the task at hand.

The first guy brings back a peach. The island leader says, "Stick it up your ass. If you laugh, you die." The first guy shoves it up his ass and laughs, so they kill him. The second guy brings a grape, he does the same and laughs, making them kill him.

The first two are in heaven together. "Peaches are fuzzy, so I laughed. How the hell did you die? You had a grape!" says the first guy. The second guy replied, "It didn't tickle at all. I laughed at the sight [of] the third guy was bringing over a pineapple."

A black dude shows up to a job interview for a watermelon farmhand gig, resume full of fried chicken joint experience. The boss asks, "Why should I hire you?" He stutters, "Uh, I got skills in... uh..." Before he can finish, a hulk-like, veiny, muscular, giant transgender man storms in, straps him to the interview desk with velvet cuffs, drips hot wax on his back from a candle shaped like a massive dick, and rams his ass relentlessly while whispering, "Welcome to the team, bitch. Your probation starts now."

If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong.

I have a fat ass.

Yo mama so stupid, she shoved two AA batteries up her ass and started singing, "I’ve Got The Power!"

He only won the election because of rigging.

82 million votes my ass.

Ask me for proof.

What did the pencil say to the piece of paper? You FLAT.

What did the spoon say to the pancake batter? You THICK.

Hi guys, the prankster is back!

I was gone for a long time because of this bullying about a nice sweet girl named Gwen! So my 6th prank is on...

When I put some bad stuff in my sister's toothpaste bottle!

Okay, so I took some smelly mints from the jelly bean game! I had molded cheese jelly bean, molded milk, and worms jelly bean! Jelly bean tasting is this game where weird tasted jelly beans are in there, so I got some mints and put it there! Then next thing you knew was, my sassy ass sister had her breath smelling like a chimpanzee's buttock!