Ass jokes

My dumb ass thinking I made a friend, oh ya, I forgot, literally nobody likes me!

What do my mom and a basketball have in common?

My mom's tits and ass are bouncy, just like a basketball.

Can we have sex, because if we don't, I can't like you, big, thick booty!

So let's have sex in bed, you sexy woman, or behind a tree, because shoving my dick in your pussy is a very nice feeling while sucking your ass.

One day, I put a lady taffy on my ass.

Women have ass and tits... but men have dick and rights.

Jack and Jill went up the hill.

Jack fell down, his ass was bound, and Jill continued up the hill.

Jack came back and beat Jill's back, and he got the ultimate kill.

Fila is a cool brand. I fill a cock in my ass.

Three Europeans head to an island. They are captured by the island people. They are going to kill them, and they plead. They grant them a chance to live. The island people tell them to grab a fruit from the tribe's garden and bring it back, then to follow the task at hand.

The first guy brings back a peach. The island leader says, "Stick it up your ass. If you laugh, you die." The first guy shoves it up his ass and laughs, so they kill him. The second guy brings a grape, he does the same and laughs, making them kill him.

The first two are in heaven together. "Peaches are fuzzy, so I laughed. How the hell did you die? You had a grape!" says the first guy. The second guy replied, "It didn't tickle at all. I laughed at the sight [of] the third guy was bringing over a pineapple."

How does a blind person know they've wiped their ass enough?

If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong.

I have a fat ass.

Yo mama so stupid, she shoved two AA batteries up her ass and started singing, "I’ve Got The Power!"

He only won the election because of rigging.

82 million votes my ass.

Ask me for proof.

What did the pencil say to the piece of paper? You FLAT.

What did the spoon say to the pancake batter? You THICK.

Hi guys, the prankster is back!

I was gone for a long time because of this bullying about a nice sweet girl named Gwen! So my 6th prank is on...

When I put some bad stuff in my sister's toothpaste bottle!

Okay, so I took some smelly mints from the jelly bean game! I had molded cheese jelly bean, molded milk, and worms jelly bean! Jelly bean tasting is this game where weird tasted jelly beans are in there, so I got some mints and put it there! Then next thing you knew was, my sassy ass sister had her breath smelling like a chimpanzee's buttock!

"If your enemy is kicking your ass, blame it on the lag."

-- Sun Tzu, The Art of War

Your momma's so fat, when she pulls her knickers down, her ass is still in them.

It is a known fact that you cannot say “harassment” without “her ass.”

I guess you could say, “harassment something.”

How to harass? Say it out loud but slowly. Split that word into, and it sounds like "her ass."

His gay ass dad.