Asked jokes

My daughter has been writing letters asking Satan for gifts. Imagine my shock when I realized she has dyslexia.

A photon is checking into a hotel.

The bellhop asks him, "Do you have any luggage?"

The photon replies, "Nope, I'm traveling light."

My science teacher asked me what is found inside cells.

I guess "blacks" wasn't the right answer.

A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"Father replied, "I don't know, son. I'm still paying."

I called an Asian person and asked, 'Is this Mister Wing?' 'No.'

I called once more and asked, 'Is this Mister Wong?' 'No.'

I guess I 'winged the Wong number.'

Michael Jackson, who's terrified of adult women, once had a girlfriend, but broke it off with her. When she asked him why, he said, "It's not you, it's me-hee-hee."

My girlfriend went to the doctor for a broken arm, and they told her it should be better in about two months. I asked her what they said. She said, "It should be better in about two months." I then asked her, "What did the dentist say?"

Why were the Twin Towers disappointed?

They asked for a pepperoni pizza and all they got was a plane.

I used to be in a special needs class, and the teacher sent a student (if you want to call them that) out to the hall for being late.

I asked her, "Why did you send James out to the hall?"

She said, "He was a little tardy."

I replied to her, "I thought they all were."

I once called a depressed guy [to ask] why he loves ropes so much, and he left HUNGing on the phone. (I'm not English, so I could've talked bad.)

My friend asked me if I wanted to hang out by the tree later. I said, "Yeah, I was gonna hang there."

I asked the gym instructor,

"Can you teach me to do the splits?"

"How flexible are you?" he asked.

"Well, I can't make it on Fridays."

My math teacher asked me what a liked term was. I told her I couldn't say, never experienced it.

There was a little kid crying in the park today. I asked him where his parents were. Now I realize, man, I love my job.

A man went into a library and asked for a book on how to do suicide, and the librarian said, "Fuck off, you won't bring it back."

I asked my lab partner for sodium hypobromate, but he said, "Na Br O."

If a blonde and a brunette jump off a building, who would hit the ground first?

The brunette, because the blonde would have to stop and ask for directions!

I got so drunk with the guys yesterday that when the Uber driver asked how many drinks I had, I said, "Yes."

My mom asked me if I was okay, so I replied, "I will be," and jumped out the window!

My cousin said being gay was such a pain in the ass and I asked him why and I said, "Cuz you get buttfucked?" and he said, "No, I get made fun of." and I said, "Why? Cuz you get buttfucked?" and he said, "No, turd." Then I said, "Wow, at least I'm not the one with real pains in my ass, bro."