Asked Jokes

I called a suicidal hotline in Iraq and they asked me if I could drive a truck.

What did the customer ask when he went to the cannibal restaurant?

"Who's the special today?"

A man marries a blonde chick, lives a happy life together, and the man asks his wife if she wants kids. She says "yes".

So, a couple of years go by, and they have one boy and one girl. They go to school, go home with their report cards, and the dad asks what their grades were. The son says he's not doing well, same with the daughter. They ask why they're doing so bad in school, and the dad replies with "ask your mother that question!"

Your mom is so old, she walked into an antique store and they kept her.

Your mom is so dumb, she called me asking for my phone #.

Two windmills stand at a farm. One asks the other, "What is your favorite kind of music?"

The other windmill replies, "I'm a huge metal fan!"

Imagine you ask a girl out in braille.

And she leaves you on felt.

Jonny went fishing and he didn’t know how to cast his pole, and he asked his friend Joe how to cast it. Then when he cast, he only cast 3 feet, and he never learned how to do it.

My late grandpa was always popular with women. One day, before he died, I asked him what his secret was. He said, "I inherited a watering hole."

Bewildered, I replied, "What does that have to do with anything?"

"I could easily get anyone wet because I was well endowed."

What's the difference between a priest and SpongeBob?

SpongeBob asks if you're ready first.

Being asked for advice after a failed suicide attempt:

"What advice do you have for people out there?"

As a suicide professional, don't try this at home.

Teacher: "Hey, James, this is the third time I asked you a question!"

James: "But you told me not to answer you back!"

A boy is about to be sentenced for killing his parents. He begs the judge to spare his life. The judge asks for one good reason he should be shown any mercy. The boy replies, "I’m an orphan, your honor."

A girl in my class started barking, and I yelled out, "Furry!" Everyone started laughing at her, and I felt bad. After school, I asked to drive her home, and one the way there I apologized and then told her to count down from 10 - 1. Before she said one, I yelled, "THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!" then I jumped out the car.

I saw an orphan on the road. I asked him if he's an orphan. The kid says, "Yeah, what gave it away?"

I say, "Your parents."

Today at the bank, an old lady asked me to help her check her balance.

So I pushed her over.

I got kicked out of Social Studies class when my teacher made us watch a women's rights documentary. When he asked us what the genre of the film was, I put my hand up and said "Fiction."

Orphan: Can I go outside?

Coworker at orphanage: Go ask your mom.

Orphan: WAWAWAWAWAW

My wife and I were out to dinner and the waitress started flirting with me.

"She obviously has COVID," my wife said.

"Why?" I asked.

My wife replied with a sneer, "Because she has no taste!"

I always ask gay people what LGBTQ means, but I never get a straight answer.

I was at the park the other day and sat down on the bench next to a mum and her daughter, and she asked which one was my kid, and I said I haven't decided yet.