Art jokes
Shit, if somebody invades America, the Crips and the Bloods are gonna call a truce so that they can get the big toys out and call Geneva achievement. White women would ride into battle riding lions, tigers, and bears while claymore-strapped rhumbas swept the streets. There's a reason Putin keeps threatening to boom boom us with the boom booms and make you see x-rays before you go go.
We have freaking cannibals still. Hell, we have more guns than people. Dodging bullets has become a rite of passage. Just look at how we raise our kids on caffeine and M16s playing Call of Duty. Then we send them into the warzone known as the American public education system with no weapons. No means to protect themselves other than with their fists. Here Timmy, fight off the bullets with your bare fist and hope you can zig-zag. Hell, the quiet kids in this country start dropping bodies just cause you teased them. The fuck you think's gonna happen when Timmy can't get his damn chicken nuggets and you took his internet out?
Hell, the gangs in America would no longer make their money off the drugs illegally. They'd be our medics and taking bets on kill shots. Don't even get me started on the unhinged millennials the moment they can't get their mood stabilizers. War crimes would become an art form and we'd run around like we playing Pokemon. GOTTA CATCH 'EM ALL! Americans would turn war crimes into an extreme sport while the military stands back and records it just so they can show the rest of the world the example of why not to fuck with us. Shit, Geneva Convention would turn into a to-do list on every American household fridge. We take that shit so seriously we'd have Comedy Central sending Kevin Hart to tell us rules for engagement. Racism in America would be single-handedly by ended as Billy Bob and Tyrone high five because they think they just unlocked the super secret duck hunt level with foreign paratroopers. Shit somebody please threaten us with a good time. Invade the United States. Let us show you why the first color in our flag is red.
Wanna hear a joke about paper? Never mind, it's tear-able.
What do you call a piece of paper? A piece of paper.
How do you paint a wall red? Throw a baby at it!
Why did Hitler turn to genocide after a failed career as an artist?
He never learned to mix the colors.
What's the difference between Jesus and a painting of him?
Well, it only takes one nail.
Purple.
Your forehead is so big that it made Mona Lisa smile.
What's the difference between a picture of Jesus and the real Jesus? It only takes 1 nail to hang the picture.
You look like something I drew with my left hand.
Did you hear about that one guy who dipped his balls in paint?
My friend said they were “Pretty nuts!”
Yo mama's so old, she walked out of a museum and the alarm went off.
Yo mama's so ugly, her portraits hang themselves.
So, one day in 3rd grade, I was making this art piece and I was talking about my friend that was a boy that I have known for 5 years. But then, the other boy at my table named Coen Jones shouted, "NO! I'M THE ONLY BOYFRIEND YOU CAN HAVE!" As soon as I heard all that, the teacher and the rest of our class was shocked while our table was just laughing their butts off, but laughed so hard, I fell out of my chair!
Your hairline looks like it was drawn onto your head.
Dark humour jokes are like water; some get it, some don’t.
What do you call an artist who couldn't make it as Hitler?
My friend wants to do martial arts, but he's disabled, so I guess it’s partial arts.
Your breasts remind me of Mount Rushmore – my face should be among them.
What is the difference between Jesus and a painting of Jesus?
It only takes one nail to hang a painting.