Army Jokes

Where did the king put his armies?

In his sleevies.

A local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around, that they offered a standing bet of one thousand dollars that their bartender can squeeze a lemon dry until all the juice ran into a glass, and anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money. Many people had tried but failed. Over time Weight Lifters, Lumberjacks, men in the Army, and Etc. But still, nobody could do it. One day, a scrawny little man came in wearing thick glasses and a cheap suit and said in a tiny squeaky voice, "I'd like to try the bet". After the laughter had died down the bartender said "okay" and he grabbed a lemon and squeezed away. Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the Rhine to the little man. But the crowd's laughter turned to Total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and six drops fell into the glass. As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the one thousand dollars and asked the little man, "What do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack a weight lifter or what?". The man simply replied, "I work for the IRS".

Don't make Iran jokes my mom died by an rocket lancer, She was the best Sharpe shorter in the Iran army.

Why didn’t Harry Potter use the chamber to teach Dumbledores army?

Because at one point poisonous gases where put in it

What do you call a Russian rifle that went 1 rank down?

An AK-46.

why was the roman soldier kicked out of the army- because he was romin around during war

Where did the king hide his armies? In his sleevies.

Worst joke ever.

Officer: "Stay back soldiers, minefield!" Soldier: "Let's clear the field!" Officer: "Ok!" *silence*

*explosion*

Why does the army take orphans as fighter jet?

Because homing middles don’t work on them.

Why did hitler lose the war ?

Because göring ate every last airplanes , tanks , artilleries , ships and ammunitions

Going in a military The last thing I heard from them is:"Goodbye"

stephen hawking cant stand for army

My dad never came back with the milk my mom told me he's in the army

Hitler was talking about how to fight in WW2 when someone sneezed while Hitler was giving a speech so Hitler yelled WHO SNEEZED ROW 1 DID ANYONE SNEEZE they said no and Hitler shot everybody same for row 2 & 3 but in row 4 someone nervous said me I'm sorry then Hitler said bless you

where does caesar keep his armies up his sleavies

Once upon a time, there were three kingdoms, all bordering on the same lake. For centuries, these kingdoms had fought over an island in the middle of that lake. One day, they decided to have it out, once and for all.

The first kingdom was quite rich, and sent an army of 25 knights, each with three squires. The night before the battle, the knights jousted and cavorted as their squires polished armor, cooked food, and sharpened weapons. The second kingdom was not so wealthy, and sent only 10 knights, each with 2 squires. The night before the battle, the knights cavorted and sharpened their weapons as the squires polished armor and prepared dinner. The third kingdom was very poor, and only sent one elderly knight with his sole squire. The night before the battle, the knight sharpened his weapon, while the squire, using a looped rope, slung a pot high over the fire to cook while he prepared the knight’s armor.

The next day, the battle began. All the knights of the first two kingdoms had cavorted a bit too much (one should never cavort while sharpening weapons and jousting) and could not fight. The squire of the third kingdom could not rouse the elderly knight in time for combat. So, in the absence of the knights, the squires fought.

The battle raged well into the late hours, but when the dust finally settled, a solitary figure limped from the carnage. The lone squire from the third kingdom dragged himself away, beaten, bloodied, but victorious.

And it just goes to prove, the squire of the high pot and noose is equal to the sum of the squires of the other two sides.