Army jokes
Did you know my grandpa was in WW2? He killed Hitler.
What is an army member's top drink?
WARter.
Why did the Drill Sergeant get in trouble?
He got caught playing with his Privates!
I joined the military for the group showers.
Where did the king put his armies?
In his sleevies.
Memes
What do you call a retard with AK special forces?
A local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing bet of one thousand dollars that their bartender could squeeze a lemon dry until all the juice ran into a glass, and anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money. Many people had tried but failed. Over time, weight lifters, lumberjacks, men in the Army, and etc. But still, nobody could do it.
One day, a scrawny little man came in wearing thick glasses and a cheap suit and said in a tiny squeaky voice, "I'd like to try the bet." After the laughter had died down, the bartender said, "okay," and he grabbed a lemon and squeezed away. Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the rhine to the little man. But the crowd's laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and six drops fell into the glass. As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the one thousand dollars and asked the little man, "What do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, a weight lifter, or what?" The man simply replied, "I work for the IRS."
Don't make Iran jokes. My mom died by a rocket launcher. She was the best sharp shooter in the Iranian army.
What do you call a Russian rifle that went 1 rank down?
An AK-46.
Why didn’t Harry Potter use the chamber to teach Dumbledore’s army?
Because at one point poisonous gases were put in it.
Gay people would suck at war.
Why was the Roman soldier kicked out of the army? Because he was "Romin" around during war.
Where did the king hide his armies?
In his sleevies.
Worst joke ever.
Officer: "Stay back soldiers, minefield!"
Soldier: "Let's clear the field!"
Officer: "Ok!"
*silence*
*explosion*
Why does the army take orphans as fighter jet pilots?
Because homing missiles don’t work on them.
Hitler was talking about how to fight in WW2 when someone sneezed while Hitler was giving a speech, so Hitler yelled, "WHO SNEEZED ROW 1? DID ANYONE SNEEZE?" They said no, and Hitler shot everybody. Same for row 2 & 3, but in row 4 someone nervous said, "Me, I'm sorry." Then Hitler said, "Bless you."
Why did Hitler lose the war?
Because Göring ate every last airplane, tank, artillery, ship, and ammunition!
What do you call an autistic kid with a gun?
Special forces.
What do you call an autistic kid with a minigun?
Special forces.
Going in a military.
The last thing I heard from them is: "Goodbye!"