Ares jokes

Did you hear about the lesbians who are suing their contractor?

He used nails when they wanted tongue and groove.

The Big Bang happened 16.8 billion years ago, and matter cannot be created or destroyed. Therefore, we are all technically 16.8 billion years old. So, to answer your question, officer, yes, she is of age.

Your parents are so proud of you. They LOVE you! <3

There were once these two twins. One twin, no matter what happened, was always pissed off, while the other one was always happy.

This baffled scientists, so they ran an experiment on the twins to figure out what was happening. They took the angry one and left him in a room with all of the latest technology and the most expensive toys and left him overnight. When they came back, he was still grumpy. When they asked him why, he said, "None of these are actually mine, and you left me in here all night, so I'm angry!"

His explanation was reasonable, so they ran another experiment on the other kid. This time, they left him overnight in a room that was literally just filled with horse shit. When they came back to check on him the next morning, he was still smiling. When they asked him why, he said, "With all of this horse crap, there has to be a pony in here somewhere!"

What time are most dentist appointments? Tooth hurty.

Roses are red, her name is Lily, she bends over, and said "HARDER, DADDY!"

Tails: Hey, Sonic, do you need payback? Oh, you are not a fat hedgehog, you are a snail.

Sonic: But I'm a fat snail because Dr. Eggman turned me into a snail.

Tails: I don't trust you, fat snail.

Roses are red, violets are blue, When I take out the trash, I remember you.

If you are dehydrated, you should get well soon.

A blonde, brunette, and a redhead are running from the police. They come across an old shack with three burlap sacks. They each hop into one of them. The police come and kick the one with the brunette in it. She goes, "Mew, mew." The police say, "Oh, it's just a bag of kittens." Then they kick the one with the redhead. "Woof, woof." They think, "Oh, it's just a bag of puppies." Then they kick the one with the blonde in it. She goes, "POTATOES!!" And gets arrested.

Roses are red, violets are blue, she is hot, but you're as ugly as poo.

Q: Why are Americans so bad at Clash Royale?

A: Because they lost two of their towers.

If you're ever bored, just rape an orphan, what are they going to do, tell their parents!

Hahaha come on people, they don't have parents, we can do what we like with them...

Rape...hurt...and sell them!

Teacher: Little Johnny, why are you late again?

Little Johnny: I had to be there for the birth of our first mixed cow, the white cow fell on the mud! (The teacher faints)

If you're bored, punch an orphan. What are they going to do? Tell their parents?

If a kid doesn't take their nap, doesn't that mean they are resisting arrest?

Why are there 25 letters in the alphabet? Because the D is in U.

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Atch.

Atch who?

Sorry you are sneezing. Have you got a cold?

I was going to write a corny joke, but those are a bit too EAR-itating.

Kid: Hi.

Janitor: Wtf you want, kid?

Kid: Why are you rude?

Janitor: 'Cause I have a shitty job.