Ares jokes
Officer sees a man and he is seeing he is having trouble walking, so he asked him, "Sir, are you drunk?" The man responds, "No, sir, I'm not drunk." So the officer asks, "How high are you?" And the man responds, "No sir, it's 'Hi, how are you?'"
Two cyclists stop on a bridge. One cyclist says to the other, "Can you see that forest over there?"
The other says, "No, the trees are in the way."
Roses are red, violets are blue, My heart is dead, I’m such a fool.
Did you know that they are making a movie about the four boys who lost their lives on the ice? They're calling the movie "The Lost Boys."
Boobs are like friends: you have big ones, small ones, real ones, fake ones, but they all get taken out by cancer.
I bet you're a child molester who got out of jail and is now sexually harassing kids such as Addison! Will fuck off and get a life, btw your roasts are not fucking funny, they're bullshit like your face and your hairline.
Little boy asked his dad why he was born black.
Father replied, "So the heat from the sun doesn't burn your skin."
Then he asks, "Why is our hair all frizzy like fuse wire?"
"So the coconuts when falling from the trees won't hurt you."
"Then what are we doing living in Rochdale? (England)"
A man asks a woman, "Are you a school?"
The woman replies, "No, why?"
The man says, "Oh, I wanted to shoot my kid inside of you."
Why are vaginas and the Mariana Trench similar? Lots of seamen go missing there.
How do you know when you are dating a cannibal?
You go to the beach, he offers to put suntan oil on you, and the brand name is Wesson.
You are having sex and he says he wants to eat your a$$ and you notice he is holding a knife and fork.
He invites you to his home to use the hot tub and it is heated by a wood fire.
You are having an argument and you say "bite me" and he starts to sharpen his teeth.
Are you a white van? Because I would love to put children in you.
For some reason a group of emo kids are following me because I gave them a Happy Meal.
There are 206 bones in my body.
When I look at you, it becomes 207.
I asked my dad, "Are we there yet?" and he told me, "Don't worry, son, it will be a short ride!"
Me and my mom order Chinese food. So when it came, my mom grabbed the egg roll and started to suck it down. Then I ask my mom what are you doing. Then my mom says, "I love you for 5 dollar."
Yo mama's teeth are so yellow, when she smiles at traffic, it slows down.
Why do girls wear classic rock T-shirts? Because they are stupid little bitches who need to grow some fashion sense because wearing old shit doesn't make you unique.
He was saying jokes, and someone said, "You are on a roll!"
Alabama gene pools are so shallow, when they freeze over, it's just snow.
Who are the fastest readers in the world?
The 9/11 victims, they went through 700 stories in 10 seconds.