Ares jokes

3.14% of sailors are pirates.

What do you say to your sister when she's crying? -- "Are you having a crisis?"

My girlfriend and I often laugh about how competitive we are... But I laugh more.

You can tell a lot about a woman from her ankles. If they are on your shoulders, she probably likes you.

9 out of 10 Americans are stupid... I'm so glad I'm in the 1%.

I think my coworkers are gay. -- Every time I walk by, they mumble, "What an ass."

I hate how funerals are always at 9 a.m. -- I'm not really a mourning person.

4, 6, 8, and 9 have all been killed. 2, 3, 5, 7, and 11 are the prime suspects.

How many Germans does it take to change a light bulb? -- One. They are efficient and don't have humor.

What do prime numbers and stoners have in common? The higher they are, the more spaced out they get.

Damn girl, are you a smoke detector? Because you're super annoying and won't shut up.

I started a company selling land mines that look like prayer mats. Prophets are going through the roof.

Three men are on a boat. They have four cigarettes, but nothing to light them with. So, they throw a cigarette overboard and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter.

Wives are like grenades. Remove the ring and boom, the house is gone!

3.14% of sailors are...

π-rates.

People who are afraid of pedophiles... need to grow up.

Two windmills are standing in a field and one asks the other, "What kind of music do you like?" The other says, "I'm a big metal fan."

Tits are like Lego bricks. They're there for the kid, but dad ends up playing with them.

After God created 24 hours of alternating darkness and light, one of the angels asked him, "What are you going to do now?"

God said, "I think I'm going to call it a day."

"Son, I found a condom in your room."

"Gee, thanks, Grandpa!"

"Why are you calling me Grandpa?"

"Because I couldn't find it yesterday."