Ares jokes

Girls are like volcanoes.

You never know when they will erupt.

I was talking to a close friend that was Islamic.

He said he was being shipped to an amazing training.

I asked, "Where are you going?"

He said, "Camp Bin Laden."

I asked, "What do they do there?"

He answered, "They got bomb training and hand to hand combat training. Plus they got arts and crafts."

I asked, "What do you mean by arts and crafts?"

He said, "See this towel on my head?" I nodded. "I made it out of boxer jokes."

Officer sees a man and he is seeing he is having trouble walking, so he asked him, "Sir, are you drunk?" The man responds, "No, sir, I'm not drunk." So the officer asks, "How high are you?" And the man responds, "No sir, it's 'Hi, how are you?'"

Who are you?

Yourself.

Kid: "I wish I could be like Batman!"

Genie: "Wish granted!"

When the kid gets home, both of his parents are dead.

Robin asks Batman what he is getting his parents for Christmas. Batman gets mad, slaps Robin, and runs off crying.

Now you know why Batman Beyond was born when Bruce died. cause of death: suicide

Suicidal people are a big contributor to the rope making industry.

Roses are red, your mother has said, "Come back again, and you'll be dead!"

I know that my jokes are never punny but...

Three women were in heaven. The angel at the gates said, "How good the ride into heaven is for you, is determined by your commitment to your most recent partner."

The first lady says, "2 years, 2 side-hoes." She got an old lexus.

The second lady says, "10 years, 1 visit from a prostitute." She got a Mercedes-Benz.

The third lady says, "I never had a husband."

The angel says in response, "F*ck me and then you can have a lambo."

They all arrive in heaven, to see the second lady crying.

The first lady says, "I know we are dead, but it could be a lot worse."

"How!?" The third lady cries, "The angel has a flute for a d*ck!"

Teacher: Now class, if you are dumb, please stand up. Class: *no one stands up* Teacher: Oh c'mon. I know someone over here is dumb. *waves her finger around the left side of the room* Little Johnny: *stands up* Teacher: Oh, Johnny, you think you're dumb? Little Johnny: No, I just feel bad you're standing alone.

Dark Jokes R Like Puppies:

Once they come out they are trash, but once it starts to get older, that’s when it’s noticed, but when it gets too old, you either proclaim it dead or never talk about it.

(I would never do that though I love puppies)

Girlfriends are just like AK47s; they always go off on you.

Dark jokes are like Antarctica.

They're cold.

Have you ever seen a baby unicorn? No! Because unicorns are gay rainbows in equine form.

Sans: “pokes brother with ruler”

Papyrus: Sans, what are you doing?

Sans: Measuring your patience.

Papyrus: Grunts

My dad asked, "Where are you going?"

Me: "Back to the orphanage."

Do you know why I don't like stairs? They are always up to something. #dadjokes

Is it just me, or are magnets really attractive?

This is supposed to be worst puns but most of them are not puns.